Sunday, June 19, 2011

This Is Reality

Today (Sunday the 19th June 2011) is mother's birthday and father's day.

And all three kids are officially out of the house already.

Must be lonely for them.

Friday, June 17, 2011

An Interesting Person Living A Boring Life.

..doesn't make the person a boring person, unlike what's commonly inferred. It shows, among others, the person have focus and a plan.

Last semester I had one of the greatest experience and sweetest memories of my short life and I concluded noone really knows anyone nowadays. How am suppose to share what I've gone through was beyond me, alas share I did not.

For this semester holiday I've decided to spend my holidays by just staying at the hostel, my own room, without doing anything. No outings, no shopping, no dating, no clubbing, no parties, no camping, no great outdoor, nothing. People keep asking me " When are you going back? When are you going home?"

And I'll answer as always, I'm not going back, this is my home.

The home ya' all referrin' to is technically my parent's house and they brought me up there. Same goes with my sister and brother. Like a bird from a nest, once they've grown old enough they'll fly on their own. That house is just another house. Time's changed and people changed too, the home it was now is just another empty plot waiting for time to decide it's fate. No doubt it has sentimental values, but I doubt there is any present home value to it anymore.

Even my dog realises that and doesn't stay there much anymore. Speaks alot by itself.

And they'll think I'm crazy. I'll think they're disillusioned. It seems nobody else beside me seem to realise that home is where we are, not where we think we should be? What the hell is wrong with the world today.

Yes, I am staying in the quiet campus, in my own room. Not doing anything, boring it sure is. But unlike most who just walk through their life, mine's all planned ahead. I'm staying in my room because I'm sticking to my own belief that I've seen enough of the outside world, and the answer to my biggest concern right now lies in me. I need time for myself. Away from all the media influence and distractions of this modern world.

I'd rather grounded me here with a plan, than flying without a destination me there.

If I had the means, I would reteach the whole world how to live life the correct way.

Boring I am not, I'm just choosing to do what others consider least fun. For those who know me well, you bet I'm having the time of my life again, as ever.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The World Revolve Around Us, So We Better Start Being In Control! before we spiral to nowhereness

There's a saying that goes:

Small minds talk about people;
Average mind talks about events;
Great minds talks about ideas.

If that's true (it is!) then I would be in the 3rd category because I'm always talking about ideas, concepts, phillosophy and principles.

I do sometimes talk about events though honestly speaking, I find it a heavy topic to talk about because it's all about the past and talking about it means spending effort and resources retelling something that's dead.

Maybe one day technology would enable us to just output our history and stories out effortlessly, like a thumb drive revealing the daily log of a machine/robot. But for now, for me I find it a hassle. Hassle but one necessary to be normal in this world.

Next, I spend even less time discussing about people, if ever. People. It just doesn't interest me at all. Since many years already I've concluded that people are just free numbers. They may be anything, any value, but at the end of the day their behavior is not totally unpredictable. Just like numbers, whatever they are, they are still figures.

All of the above is to relate to another point of mine I'm trying to make right now.

This world knows a culture of drinking for social reasons. For some reason people have the tendency to judge others by their behavior or rather ability to drink, not get drunk but eventually still get wasted. My peers seems to be the ones always clubbing, drinking and smoking, and by not drinking clubbing regularly and definitely not smoking, it's obvious I'll always be the odd one out.

I've always allowed that knowledge to somewhat consume me, but today (out of the blues) I've decided I will from today onwards, be a self declared "clean person". That means no drinking for social reasons to prove ranking, no clubbing for coolness and no smoking. I might still drink occasionally for my own pleasure, but it will definitely not be because of social image. Fuck that.

Like in whatever we do, the real pride we get from doing something is by doing that something with real pride. I will take pride in not bowing to society's stereotype definition of coolness.

Yeah. The next time anyone asks me, I'll say I don't drink, I don't club and I don't smoke. That's just so fucking awesome, I believe it is, and I will take pride in that belief.

Dislikes Noisy People

I don't like people who talk so much. I'm referring to no one in particular, but this kind of people should just shut up.

Some say talking much comes naturally. If that's so, then your kind better stay far far from me.

Others who talks alot are actually the ones who spend their talking time telling jokes/being hilarious. Yes it's fun and pleasuring, but overdoing it kills it too. Even they should know when to stop.

My kind. Despite what it sometimes seem that I'm a boring person/lost at random conversations, I would reckon I'm far from actually being a boring person. I have my own time of funny laughter and also my own ways of being funny without the great amount of talking. Humour is an art, it's a style, it's part of my swagger; talking alot isn't.

Just a random thought. Those of you who knows me in person would be able to relate what I'm saying here quite well.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

This Life Really Is A Bittersweet Symphony

I seem to have that outlook which gives people the incorrect impression about me. Like when I'm studying, people seem to think I'm doing it so well as if I've spent my whole life eating the book and the bookworms, stuff like that.

It's no wonders too how I'm always being stereotyped, treated like I'm the genuine deal like people who have been doing that all their life. Genuine I am not. For example I used to suck so badly in studies many times I considered forfeiting education altogether. Most whatever I am today is because I wanted or needed to be like that. By passion or by pressure, or both.

Furthermore, I actually take offense in people prejudging me into becoming what I never really am, and treating me as if I'm like that. I find it offensive because in deciding that approach, they have rested their case and made their mind up, and I eventually become what they think I am because of their initial impression. All of which is incorrect.

Maybe I should think of a new approach in life. It seems this life is filled with single styled individuals so much so till being single style is almost to be expected of humans. I honestly don't see why can't a person be 2/3 personalities in one mould, and free to interchange between them as he likes. To put things into perspective, having multiple personality itself is a type of personality.

Like from a computer game, there's this one particular hero who speciality is at replicating others. I like to think myself as that. Watch, look, learn and mimic.

Away from conceptual stuff and back to real world, I think I should include a new ability. That is, to sell my qualities because so far being passive isn't really stimulating the forces of the world to react the way I want them to.

Till then, over and out.

From The Verve Pipe's Bittersweet Symphony:

I'm a million different person from one day to the next.

And I can change my mould.
And I'm loving every bit of it.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained. Pt.2

Do anyone else beside me realise there's this something called the awkward mood? It's when we step out of our comfort zone of tried and tested, routine option and into a new world of possibilities we've never actually tried before?

It's like everyday Mr.A goes to B via road C and after 100 years of doing so, he decided he should try out road D. That new feeling of being slight out of place, mixed emotions possibly excited possibly nervous, unknown outcome. That's the awkward feeling I'm talking about.

I've been thinking lately maybe the reason we become what we are is because of our predictability when it comes to opportunities for awkward moments. We naturally turn them down without much thought.

So for the coming near future, I'm going to try to get out of my safe zone and do the things I don't usually do, some things which I consider doing but never done because of past-reasons. Yeah.

For a start, like wearing shades in the night among a bunch of strangers yesterday. And sitting by the sidewalk along the school gardens to study in the afternoon.

And now, ignoring a girl I like.

Girl Issue

There's this one girl I like and the more I think of her, the more I tell myself I should not think of her. I woke up today telling myself FU and challenged myself to take up the 7-Day-No-Contacting-Her challenge. So far still so good.

From past lessons I know what I am. I only like her now because I don't know what is she about. From past observation I've long concluded an ending for this kind of craze: that when I know her, I will lose interest in her and she will be just another stupid girl.

Somehow for some reason we guys are made by nature to like girls, yet it's no surprise since time ever existed, girls are always the cause for trouble among guys. If only it was that simple.

I've decided to play it slow. I'll do nothing and just go with the flow. Where will it bring me?

It's 5.30 am and I don't Know Why I'm Not Asleep

I'm here and I don't know how I came here or why am I here.

I'm always confused with my own existence and sometimes in trying to figure out a solution for part of a problem, I just make the problem bigger. Like now.

I've got such a complicated mind, my whole life is spent trying to be normal.

If I could project it out for the world to see crystal clearly, a great majority will be freaked out and run away. That's what it really is.

My written English, my language, my choice of words and it's degree of articulation, aiding in me trying to speak out my mind, my thoughts and the great complexity of it all is not even the surface fo the iceberg.

I'm going to bed now.

Like Gandhi once quoted saying, Each night when I go to sleep, I die. Each next morning when I wake up, I am born again.

System reboot.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Haven't been updating lately, and won't be updating lately because my hand is not okay. So much for typing.