Monday, January 24, 2011

Are We Humans? Or Are We Dancers?

Lately I've been listening to an old school song. Old and outdated as it is, some things just never really expire.

I've connected the song to a female friend of mine, that despite knowing her since secondary school and after all this years of keeping close, we never really actually close.

I've seen her changed from the studious type, to the boyfriend type, to the rough time in her relationship. Pretty much everything it is. Somehow this song is the one song we both have in common for a long while, and singing it brings back chemistry in my memories of her.

I've decided that I want to have her as my friend for the many, many decades that's to come. I will want to be there for her when the going is smooth and rough, and more.

That's true. I choose the things in my life and she's one I've chosen.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I Didn't Take It As An Insult, But I Felt Insulted

when someone came up to me and asked if I had anything on later today. Being honest and true, I said No.

He asked again to confirm. And I confirmed I had Nothing on later. I am free.

And he asked me to come study with him.

I immediately turned him down.

It's nothing personal, it's just that I don't see myself as a studious person and despite what it appears, I am not a studious person either.

So on a public holiday I would atlease expect people to have the decency to not ask me this sort of things. Studying is our work as occupation is our nature but it isn't everything. Like suggesting working on a public holiday, this is just wrong at so many levels.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Another One To Keep A Lookout

Was viewing some dude from my school FB profile and his pictures and I was right. He's just a gay loser.

It doesn't matter if you're a high scorer at class or a god at tekwando. Truth is, nobody gives a shit. Well there is. Those your kind too on your wavelength does, how unfortunate.

I came to conclude a few things:

The people are you in the picture speaks alot by itself. Awesome people have awesome people around them. Or if situation doesn't permit, awesome people have no problem having no body around them.

Gay loser people have gay losers around them too. Just like how birds of a feather flocks together.

In this new age where superficial impression is very important, having pictures like that on your FB is just the way to down rank yourself.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Went to bed last night

with the lights and fan both turned off. I remember very clearly thinking to myself the guys next door are noisy because of the absolute lack of activity and sound from my room, I could hear it very clearly.

And this morning I woke up with the light and the fan both on.


Pretty very damn sure I know what I was doing/done and that is sleep and not on any of that.


As students of my very international KLIUC, it doesn't take much to see the amazing thing about the word international here. Look beyond the majority and common locals of MalayChineseIndian and it doesn't take much to start noticing the interesting minorities.

First of all as I've known among the best of are the east Malaysians. To be honest before coming here I have no idea what are they like. I've been oblivious and/or blinded and didn't even know what I've been missing.

To cut a long story short, these far east movement are actually a bunch of distinctive, different yet also uniquely Malaysian humans. Cool names too, really.

In Primary School at jordan's class:
Teacher to rest: Name a Malay boy..?
Class: Ali!
Name an Indian boy..?
Class: Bala!
Name a Chinese boy..?
Class: Chong!

See how the names are all so common, typical and dull? And above all, widely used? There's an ali/bala/chong everywhere.

Then comes the influx of the far east movement and

People: I'm lincoln dominic. I'm joy cotter. I'm hilary jonathan. I'm nathalia luter.


Anyway, the original purpose of writing this post was to just say I met two people today. Both friends but as I got to know them better I found out one's from Libya and the other from Tanzania.

And I didn't even have the slightest of slighted shit clue about where they both are located on the map(beside that Tanzania is in Africa and Libya is somEwhere near arab land, I think) till I feel no shame in coming clean about my lack of geographical knowledge.

There's so much to learn from them, yet still little motive. Maybe this is what naive is.


Monday, January 10, 2011

In Making A Wish, Is The First Step of Realizing A Reality

Three years ago ( two and a half to be exact) on my 20th birthday I thought to myself if I really had a wish to come true, what would it be?

To start, it will not be money because money can be earned and will be spent empty. Something deeper.

It will not be personality or character because at the end of the day we'll day contented if we want to; it's all starts and ends from and at the mind. Something more clinical in life.

Maybe a new life changing ability like mind reading, telepathy or time warping. But in all seriousness that's just too fictional for me.

What would you ask for?

In the end I figured I want something that would compliment what I already have.

the complexity of my own mind

The ultimate add-on. Like on Firefox but for real life.

On my 20th birthday if I had one wish, I would want to know how I would be thinking in four years time in preparation for the coming 40 years time. That's what I want. The logic is simple, in knowing so I would waste less time finding what I would eventually find in 4 years time and hence go straight to the point and bring the future here faster.

I knew at that current point of my life, the decisions and choices I make in those two years are the ones determining the way the rest of my life would turn out. Like the heaviest time of our life, weight for weight they are the gold of a persons whole life.

A veteran is a veteran because at 18 he decided to join the army. A dentist owns a clinic because at 15 he believed he love Biology. My mother is an accountant because during some time of her life she went to UK for ACCA.

So here I am today.

When somebody asked me to join the school's debating society, I knew almost instinctively that I need to turn him down; there's no debate about it. Period. There are many things I can discuss and argue about but joining the debate club is entirely out of the question. I didn't even know whats the reason to it while standing very firmly on my decision.

Why, why, why. Like whats already becoming a norm to me now, my instinctive decisions are the best bet though not always right. It took me days of on and off subconscious thinking before I've finally figured out the social level reason for it.

The next time a person ask, I would say it's because I have nothing I want to gain from it, I have nothing to prove from it, I am not bothered to impress anyone by joining it, I want to help nobody from it. I am what I am, I know what I want and need for this life and English and Debating society isn't it.

No, that's just too long. Easier to say I'm just shy of people.

And yes. The best for last.

At 23 as of 2011, being top in the eyes of the society is way outdated. The in thing for the mind at 23 years old is to be on the correct highway to being the top in our life. Long way to go, but we're going there.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

My 4 Shortest Hours on the go

How is it justified the actions I did when I intended to delegate some work to a respectable group member but he kept on delay dallying my briefing for his task for many days till I've got enough of tolerance and spent almost the same time in this another waiting session to start it, do it and actually finish some good quality shit which I came to realised he would take days to produce anything near that stuff and not to mention all the "transit time" of me waiting for him waiting for himself to do the work?

Seriously, what happened to synergy?

And part of me feel I failed myself at becoming a leader to lead others, while the other part of me says it's Okay as long as the end result is satisfactory. Like how the end justifies the means.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

How Many Shoes does a normal guy should have?

This always intrigues me- the fact that I actually have quite a number of footwear for a guy.

1. Field soccer boots
2. Futsal boots
3. Formal shoes
4. Casual shoes
5. Casual shoes
6. Running shoes
7. Casual slippers black
8. Casual slippers white
9. School slippers
10. Toilet slippers

Total: 10 pair of shoes.

Despite it being double digit I still am sticking to my strict stand that I only go for practicality and have just one shoe per reason except for casual wears. Even so that's 10 altogether. Amazing.

And the best part is at core level I still feel like I don't have sufficient choices. I can imagine my room's half filled with shoes and I can imagine I'd know who to point the finger for this at: my house.

Seasonal Distances

Was and Will be


V e r y a - M a z y y y y - i n g

I Met Somebody New Today

I met somebody new today and after talking for about an hour over a meal I make he's one of those journeyman across continents, a sharp end player in his own game and the upper class of this general society.

All while living with a real shade of self restrain from a shortcoming ownself perceived and hidden to the outside world. I know this all too well, I've seen it all before.

The way he juggles the strength, the shortcoming and the reality is what kept my attention.

There's always something new in every somebody new we meet, if there isn't then that somebody is really actually a nobody.

So back to room, back to the drawing board. And the question remains: What am I?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

It's All in the Eyes

I was just searching up on the internet on how to improve my own appearance on the camera and posing etc. It went on to the smiles and I was looking at the mirror, making all kinds of faces and enjoying myself.

When it struck me that I have some sort harmfully penetrative, idea conveying, point convincing eyes. I don't know where it'd came from but I have a strong feeling it's not the end of it that I'm seeing now; there's still to come from it.

I guess its true, perhaps it's an idea I've been bought over by my own penetrative eyes from looking at the mirror. or not.

Monday, January 3, 2011

My New Year Resolution 2011

Everyone is flawed as nobody is perfect and in this society everyone also is too preoccupied with worrying about oneself shortcoming to actually see that most everyone is just like that too.

I may be one of that, I may be not one of that. Either way it doesn't matter to me what I am in that. To myself I've got my own list of things to do and things to be. This year 2011 I want to be one step better than all I ever was.

After long times spent with self reflection, as of now without digging chunks out from the future, I have two and only two notable shortcomings. I will not count my blessings here but in emphasizing on overall balance, something needs to be done about this two shortcomings and the time is now.

For all the events that lead to what they are today, I will not play the pointing fingers game on it. Like most problems I encounter, I deal with them by working on the present and the future with little concern about the past.

The two shortcomings are:
1. Fixing my imperfect tooth.
2. Driving.

It's funny how most people take those two above lightly/for granted and my world seems to revolve around them but that's life I suppose.

It takes alot of courage to come clean about my actual shortcomings but here it is.

About the two above, my plan are as the following.

1. Go to a dentist and get it done. It's really easy. Right now my biggest obstacle is my own mind and I'm making it a reality by thinking and mentally accepting it everyday. Like everything I believe in, believing itself is the first step of actually doing it. So far so good.

2. Similarly I'm starting to imagine the endless possibilities if I have the luxury of a car. The inexperience at driving exist all along simply because I don't have a car to start my own journey of driving. I will want to get a car and end it all.

By mid 2011, July 1st to be exactly, on my birthday that happens to be too, I will face my demons again and see how far have I gone since now.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Till We Can Face A Mirror Only Then Can We Face The World

One of the countless things I believe everyone must do before they can finally truly live their life is to accept their body.

It is a phrase so simply said, commonly heard and perhaps lightly understood but in this world we live in almost everyone fail to accept their body for many reasons
. Some have big body and reckon they are fat, some are fat, some are the opposite of that, some realised they can't grow taller anymore, some think they are imperfect and so. Some are right, some are not.

To fully accept our own body doesn't mean we need to go and f-around or wow the guys and girls alike
. We just need to get that joy from looking at our own body everytime we look at a big mirror.

Until we can accept our body as who we are, we will always be living in the shadows of our own existence

I'm almost there physically just left a few minor fixes but my mind and character wise I'm also almost there
. The balance of life is my key to keep moving forward.

For now, if anyone ask I'll say I'm Single But Not Available

Because I simply haven't fully accepted myself yet and I don't want anybody to do the same either