Friday, December 31, 2010

Nostalgia at Differentiating the Needy from the Fakers

After a long day out and really drained, I reached back to my room and was relaxing down. Barely 10 minutes later someone knocked on my door and upon asking him whats the matter, he asked me if I could help give some idea for his assignment to him.

Naturally I was obviously pissed at his timing and was thinking of the nicest way of rejection. He got a phone call and as he was conversing in Arabic I took the opportunity to just sit back infront of my computer and continue to relax. The plan for the problem at the door? None. Relaxing is fun.

As I composed myself my thoughts starts asking myself, have we not done this too many times before already in the past? Of turning away people in need simply because I reckon I'm not in the mood for it.

Then I thought for a change, I would try the opposite.

I thought about that girl from the cafe which despite having a very low profile, she wouldn't shy away if someone who needs her help asked her for a favour. Even if it comes to nothing or worse, I'm wrong, atlease I can take some peace from giving. I would give it a try, now.

I told him to come in. I opened my heart to actually listening to him and helping him as best as I practically can. I helped him. After about 10 minutes we found the good stuff as the foundation for his assignment. He said thanks and left.

dot dot dot

On my way to the showers I realised that despite the massive internal anti-support, helping actually takes a quick while. Perhaps a little too quick. Perhaps if he didn't come to me he would have spent 10x the effort and 10x the time to get something of that standard due to his language and origin( he's from Arab) disadvantage.

Maybe I've been stereotyping people too much and when the real cry for help comes knocking on my door, I turn them away faster than the time it takes to blink an eye.

At the end of the day, despite how I despise society, we all still need each other. One day when I go to a foreign land and find the locals for help.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Dear Sister

This is going to be a quick one because it's 3 o' clock in the morning and I jumped out of bed to type this down.

Dear Sister.

I had a dream last night. Dream isn't as accurate a word I could think of right now but I'd rather that than deja vu.

It's five years in the future from now and you are newly wed. Perhaps been 6 months since getting married but so early on the cracks started to appear. Somehow I hear about your problem, your marriage problem, like all your problems that somehow always end up at my ears and it's not a good sign. Husband problem. But married already, how? Game over?

I could solve all your problems for you one by one in the ideal universe but in reality I have my own life to live too and I can't be the back up plan all the time. I can go and bash him up and fix the problem the hard way or the soft way but it's only a matter of time before another one crops up, no?

Best is if we could avoid all this problem syndrome altogether. Maybe that's the reason why I had that dream. It got me thinking about my stance towards this matter and envision my response if it was true. Like a needle, poking me with it makes me feel pain and react. No needle, no pain, no Jordan reaction.

I want to add something on top of all that passive thoughts. That you know, if we were half a room away like back then and not half a world away like now, I would want to tell you this.

That I really don't mind between the three of us siblings, if I had the choice, I would hope the best for both of you and opt for the worst to befall me. The sucky family problems? Give me. The problematic spouse? Mine. The unrest in both your mind? I'd take. All the negativity in you? Pass it to me. I can take this sort of shit and still make a light in the future.

I know we grew all grew up together and somewhat have the same family background but perhaps it's just my personality. Gifted to tolerate and transmute shit into peace. I've the self belief that tomorrow is always a better day.

If all that gives peace to my mind, I would.

Let me sleep in peace.

All the above is true and I understand the interpretation of it is individualistic.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Malaysia Boleh

Newspaper: Asian Football Federation Suzuki Cup: Malaysia beats Indonesia 3-0, thanks to laser beams

I'm starting to have a liking for Malaysia's football team

How not to?

Monday, December 27, 2010

Lets Let The Car Break Down

One mundane afternoon on the routine way back from cafe to hostel in car came a brilliant idea/fantasy of a break from the mundane routine.

I'd imagined on one really free day we should do something crazy just for the fun of it.

We would drive the car along the normal route and when it's exactly infront of the females hostel block during the peak hour of human traffic the car would mysteriously break down.

Car breaks down and out comes the real guys in the guys.

And having no choice we would have to fix it the old school way.

The hard way.

Off goes the shirts and on comes the shades.

So under the afternoon sun we would have to change the (not) flat tyre. And in order to do that we would have to dedicate our priceless energy into opening the boot first to take out the spare tyre.

And before doing that we would have to also open the bonnet, erm.. to.. check for 6 foot long reptiles who might have sneaked into the engine, stayed there and is asking for trouble.

Yes. It's all part of the process of fixing the car.

And have the serious yet calm and cool expression painted all over our faces.

All to fix a mysteriously broken car that so happen to actually be even more mysteriously, not broken after all.

Oh well

The Guy

I'm writing this for three reasons:

1. To prove to myself I can still write out my concepts
2. To prove to myself I can still think of concepts to write out, and
3. I'm actually quite free.

Oh, and

4. To show to myself that following our enthusiasm is actually a good thing unlike what I've always made to believe.

And I'm writing this for not this one reason:
1. To be a good Samaritan and help out a needy.

This real world is cruel and cruel is what that is if you believe you're living in the real world.

So the case:

There's this one guy I happen to went out with a bunch of friends and after a quick dinner it became very obvious there's something wrong with him. Social awkwardness. Socially incompetent. Social outcast. On the surface what people says very much sums up what this is: "You don't see him because he don't go to the cafe. He don't go to the cafe because he's got no friends"

Or it is really actually, he don't have friends because he don't go to the cafe. The cafe here by general understanding refers to the one and only social place in the whole campus, and to the hostel community it's the only place to hang out in campus. To avoid it is unheard of. Until now.

At some point of a football topic he joined in by asking one of them whether any of us have a girlfriend. That left all of us stunned because, with respect to the unspoken rules of social etiquette, jumping topic is considered odd and rude.

For the pros it works wonders as a start up line

Guy and girl

Guy: Hey, did you see a yellow file somewhere around here? A friend left it here a while ago and it's missing. There's important stuff in it..

Girl: Err, I don't think so.. Where did he last left it?

and so a conversation and a connection starts with a chick.

For the not-pros, it works shit.

Guy and girl

Guy: Do you want to follow me go the mall? We can go eat there.

Girl: Err.. noooo [WTF?!!!]

Credit to Neil Strauss
So point made.

But the real purpose of writing this blog entry is to decipher the signs and decode the situation and unearth the cause of the effect.

The Problem Decoded
It's really simple, really.

That is basically what it is.

That being what it is isn't quite a big problem, the problem is here:

The Problem Decoded V2

If I was a bad ass and/or had the motive, trust me I know how to manipulate and exploit this sort of people for my own gain. This is the reason why it's dangerous. His well being is subjected to some other's approval.

If you're reading this, please don't find me. I'm not the helper. I'm just the blogger writing out the obvious.

No, seriously.

Monday Bleus

No matter what I do and how much fun I have, every Monday seem to come with the Monday bleus disease. Of feeling slow, soft, lumped, heavy and sinking.

This is like a real disease already la.

Thought of a solution which is to write my thoughts out on a physical journal and perhaps sweetly keep it half hidden under my pillow for the sweetness sake of it. But then again what the hack, I have a freaking blog.


P/s to self: Reading this next time, don't delete it. It is not emo or mood swing, it is real.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Nice and Vengeful

I'm both a nice guy and a vengeful guy. I treat everyone nicely on the outside almost without bias, but when people mess with me the vengeance last for very, very long. Misdoings happens all the time, but the continious irrational misdoings with clear sight of their intention breeds vengeance.

Some would say I should go and get a religion or go to church to fix myself but seriously no. The problem is with me yes, but I'm no angel or saint and why the fck do I need to fix myself to accommodate others shortcoming. That's their own responsibility, if you can't even control your own actions then that just is a lower being and you should get what you deserve.

Don't expect that in times of hardship you'll be all wrapped in love because in reality, the norm is it's all one man for themselves. Anything better is a bonus, anything less is no surprise. Don't expect me to be caring, tolerant, compliant and oblivious to the obvious reality and most of all understanding. Because I understand very well the fact that a person like that don't deserve all of the above like charity.

I've got my own life to live and my own dreams to achieve, don't cross your past with my future.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Malaysia is the real CIMB Bank

This is CIMB Bank. Found practically almost everywhere in Malaysia, quite like the next few common things after rubbish and Proton.

picture from here

My brother used to pronounce it as "cimb bank", and is the acronym for Chinese Indian Malay Bank.

Interesting ha.

So to put it into perspective, in Malaysia here we have a brand that is literally almost everywhere and quite represent the three major types of people filling up the land. That itself is pretty much everything already, until one sees the biGGer picture.

That Malaysia is actually the playground for these three main races, the platform for them all to exist and grow along each other while still maintaining their respective uniqueness.

Quite like a freaggin bank with multiple currencies, all going through the same counter.

No matter what they try to make you believe with all those kids voice saying United We Stand, Divided We Fall lines on the radio, the truth is that in reality for most parts the general rule is to fit in, one needs to stick closer to their fellow race-mates.

Like a Chinese dude sticking with his chinese clique at the cafe everytime, every damn day. Like having a strong faith that Chinese alone will take over the world one day soon.

Like Indians always sitting in a big group around a table and do nothing and have that "Non-Indians are not allowed to enter this circle" looks all over their faces.

Or Malays. I guess they are friendlier than the previous mentioned two.

They are ofcourse the typical few who being the way they are is the reason this stereotype exist, but they are also the other portion who sees it differently. I would say, the modern thinking. The genuine OneMalaysia attitude. That should be the right way forward.

But for the most part, we are still stuck with culture difference. Malaysia really is the CIMB Bank.
I often have those brief moment of something brilliant to write on the blog after a long and tiring day when I'm finally back on the bed waiting to go on system hibernate.

Problem is, the call for darkness is just too overwhelming strong most of the time, I sleep and it's gone

And here I am writing a little lot of nothingness

Sunday, December 12, 2010

ZoukOut 2010`

and the computer just died on me after I was 85.2962% done.

So much for patience.

Friday, December 10, 2010


She's wearing black today (and she look wonderful) but for me, black have been integrated and metamorphosed into a lifestyle already.

Black is a component to everything colourful in me, from the cloths and fashion to the electronic gadgets and gears, to mood, emotions, state of mind and approach in life. It is a part of me.

Like water, a baby born clear became cloudy over time being exposed to the world.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Guy and Girl

I think the moment I get a girl to walk alongside me is the time the aura radiates into them and give them a mysterious something to consider coming back again.

The fact that I don't talk much isn't because I cannot but rather it's because I treasure moment of silence too as much as vocal conversation moments.

Yeah. Quite like that.

But until then I'm just another normal guy that fills up the space like flies fill daily sky.