Tuesday, November 30, 2010

That's Why We Go To School For

In recent times I've been seeking an true answer to why do we go to school for.

This is one of those simple questions but with a complex answer we are surrounded with in life.

To some going to school is purely because it'd became an obligation to equip ourselves with accreditation in this early years of our real life. Or simply said, because everyone else goes to school hence so.

Well the first half of that is true, that we all need labels to top our skin so to be accepted into this mainly shallow society.

What's more interesting is what kind of mentality template that's running the person to persevere as a student while studying. Like a computer hardware functional with various types of OS, a person too is functional with various kinds of mentality.

Some come to school with the grand plan of being in the average class. Some plan to always give their best though often come short of anything outstanding. Some comes to class with one and only one thing in mind- to be the top of the lot and float by the rewards it carries, while some others come just because they must.

In my opinion that and most of that sort amounts to almost 99% of the cases. To fully know a person's intention is still beyond us in this era, perhaps is the reason why there still isn't the numbers to back it up yet.

But behind all the edges of these human mind games, at the core of it lies genuine learning. Of learning because of a reason ahead of all the abovementioned. Of knowing the purpose of being a student full time, of dedicating all these years for a cause, and the gravity of our own existence. In spite of knowing that accreditation is only half the picture on the outside. In knowing that on the real world outside clean solid knowledge is very hard to come by and fully appreciating them being served on a silver platter to us now, that learning is a personal responsibility to ourselves. Not for the grades, not for the money, not for the fame, the favouritism or pride. But for the spirit. To fill up our born empty brains with real gold.

That is it. That really is.

Today I went to class, an evening class and being obviously drained. The lecturer I respect was covering all the fundamentals of the subject hes teaching and I couldn't really follow his lesson because my mind was on something else. I could say it's just the unnatural me that's less cautious and more open, and he was asking all the silly questions we don't ask why instead just follow the past on how. Which interestingly actually makes us think. And gradually I start responding to him in a different way that the whole normal population of the class does. I was actually actively participating in his topic with intellectual responses.

That is I realised, the real justification I seek out when I go to school. And it amazes me everyday.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Cats, Cats and Girls

How To Use A Cat To Attract A Woman

from: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/how-to-use-cat-attract-woman.html
add: fat cat picture (here)

Attention to all desperate men out there.
Are you having trouble attracting women in your sexual life? Then go buy a cat! Cats are known to be extremely smart animals. They are known to drive all the negative energy away, they are very clean, sensitive, independent and of course they can help you impress most women.

Recent surveys proved that men who love animals, especially cats and men who own a cat have more chances on getting a date. A leading United Kingdom animal welfare society surveyed thousands of women and guess what! An astonishing 90% of them said that men who love and own a cat are more sensitive and more nice than the men who don't have cats.

Maybe these women thought that if a man cares about his kitties then chances are that he will care for a woman and for children. Women see cats as children or babies while men see cats as friends. Women clearly stated they could be easily attracted to such a sensitive and caring man. That is a good reason why you should go out and get a cat. They are real female magnets!

Just don't forget that in order to get a cat you must be a pet lover and really know how to treat the animal right. If you don't like animals then you'd better not try this. For example a lot of people are allergic to cats. Others just can't train their cats. Don't just get a cat if you are unsure how to train her.

But if you are a pet lover and desperate about attracting women then use your cat. Train your cat so that he/she behaves well. Then invite a woman to your place for dinner or a coffee. Clean your apartment or house, cook some dinner if possible. Put your dating skills in action too. Any woman would be impressed.

If you are a cat owner then maybe you need to take a look at this guide about cat training and if you need more help to attract woman then i recommend taking advice from a woman! Here's a woman seducing guide that will teach you how to attract women and make them beg for your phone number.


I happen to stumble upon this article on the Internet and this confirms what I've long suspected: that there is some special connection between cats and girls.

My soft spot for cats is no secret to those around me. Often when a cat appear I would try to interact with it, often too without any decent level of success. To me cats are creatures which are very concern about their own cleanliness. On top of that, I am also fascinated by them because they have this particular nature about them which, in my own words, proud yet unbothered about what others think about them. Also, they are very delicate and the way their carry themselves is as if it's heavier than their own weight.

In many ways girls are somewhat quite like that. Though I don't know exactly how's that so haha. Maybe someone can enlighten me on that one day.

Some of my guys friends thinks I'm nuts when I tell them I like cats. (You know the other name for cat also carry the other meaning which refers to the female body part their counterpart loves so much.)(Seriously, what's wrong with people nowadays?) Facing a dilemma to choose between my own stand or these so-called cool friends, I kept my distance from them.

After all, nobody knows the true depth of my own things other than myself.

And the coolest part about this whole article? My ex-girlfriend is a cat too hahahhaha. Meow! Rawr. claw.

P/s: this entry with regards to the previous entry: it's not hypocrisy. Let's just say attracting girls (at this point of time at lease) comes second to the beautiful image of cats I've got from my previous relationship. This two in one is just like two sides of the same story.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Persuing Girls is not worth the price we pay for it

I've got a new stance. The signs were there all along and I've just realised it only now.

It seems that behind all this clouded shit, the reality is guys don't need girls as much a s girls need guys.

Most girls inside are a bunch of clingers and emotionally insecure and most find security from guys. Guys find reasons to have girls around them, among others are for physical pleasure, for egoistic and pride purposes, for a different kind of companionship and for the holiest of holy kind of guys like me (lol), they provide a touch of softness that compliments our rough nature.

And the truth is that only a minority of guys really realise that. The majority of this minority decides that they would prefer to have a girl around them and a the ideology that guys with girls around them are cooler. And the majority of the other dumb guys follow it simply because the others said it's so and hence it's right.

Yes, it's true guys with girls around them are more highly looked upon, but what most don't sufficiently realise is the importance of girls to guys of their most fundamental nature have been blown way out of proportion in todays society.

I think girls is a big threat to guys of this modern society because guys spend more time, effort and money at chasing girls instead of chasing their own real needs. Like living up their own purpose in this Godblessed life. Guys nowadays spend too much time being obsessed with this girl frenzy unbeknown at the expense of their own growth. Worse miss that most would never realise is the loss of promise and potential they were so close to when they decided girls are more important.

I'm not saying girls are totally redundant and troublesome, they are not because they are also very independent and very capable of reaching their own high heights. I'm just saying guys are better equipped to soar high too, and this advantage is being thrown away for girls.

The way I see it, girls are insecure inside and they find solace from guys. Guys wants them too for all the short term entertainment and so forth. But comparatively guys don't need girls as much as girls need guys. Before anyone gets me wrong, I look highly to all my female friends for being able to carry their own weight in this modern world, but the real target of this article is actually love. Emotional commitment from guy to girl. That for the most part is a hazard to our own self.

Yes, having a wife/girlfriend who understands us well is without doubt a huge bonus, but the effort required to last the race in finding them is not worth it in the long run in the big picture. I think it's a better bet to just chase our own potential and with a touch of sweet luck we'll find them somewhere along the journey. That sounds so much better as it's killing two birds with one stone at success, whereas the other is achieving no bird killed with one stone at failure. All the resources spent is wasted to the max.

Just an opinion.

As for myself, I believe I have an advantage when it comes to understanding girls from my soft (and sometimes quite feminist) nature, so pursuing girls in my opinion is not worth the price we pay for it.
I just thought of this new something about like 10 seconds ago.

Sometimes at some point of our life we might feel our life is somewhat distorted. Things are going OK but not well, and we wonder why is it all happening this way. Distorted, off by an angle. If left uncorrected it will remain this way for all that time ever cares.

I feel like that now. Like the people I have around me now is just substandard of what I should be entitled to by now, the things I do everyday now is just a shadow of my past life, even my own mind is feeling sick by its own standards.

Then I thought I might have found the solution. Odd as it seems, perhaps all it takes is just one activity to trigger a chain reaction of wholesome correction. Some might find it in going clubbing, some going for religious meet ups etc. but for me I think mine's playing field soccer.

I happen to read somewhere that team sports builds cooperation, and field soccer is that to me. Maybe I've been living a solitary and selfish life for long enough, and this is the one thing that will grease all the sharp edges in my current life. So abstract but yeah.

I should go and get my ass running on the field soon.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

When Results Comes Out. It's that time again.

I just saw my previous semester results and quite simply, it's just not pleasing to my own eyes.

Maybe my standards are too high? Not maybe. With my education background from Singapore it should have been waterproofed but things don't always work that way does it.

Maybe I've spent too little hours studying? Absolutely not, but I could still increase the hours spent studying.

Maybe it's my learning ability, abit slow like shit and I will always and forever need adaptation time to any new environment? Perhap. But that is not a valid excuse to me for me to justify any shortcomings as far as I'm concern.

Or maybe they are new areas I am still unfamiliar with and needs polishing up my skills at? Such as bootlickin' or teacher's favoritism and all that. Maybe. Definitely useful at times but not entirely reliable as a primary strength in the big picture.

They say the mix between an optimist and a pessimist is a realist. Like how (a-) + (a+) = 0

Truth be told sometimes I think I just set my goals too high from biased observation and unreal expectations. When a person can decide what he wants to think why wouldn't he think of all the good things all the time( if he had such strong faith and belief, and no fear in him?). As I'm reminded time and time again, expecting unrealistically high up often have two major negative side effects.

1. we are reminded consistently every now and then about this thing called depression. when we didn't hit our unrealistically high expectations.
2. we forget about the actual value of our achievements, how far albeit marginally better than other we are. we choose to forget that.

Rant over.

All in all I just have got one thing to say to my self in preparation for next semester.

Study harder, study smart. Jordan.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Another one bites the dust. RiP Val.

I can't stop wondering why would a person commit suicide. Was it her life that she couldn't stand anymore? About the 3/4 years old baby or the boyfriend/husband?. She's only 22 this year, just like me. Was it her family pressure from maintaining their reputation? Was there internal politics that crossed over her lines?

This is about a friend of mine. She's from my time at Singapore Polytechnic and although totally worlds apart in everything, we were for a short time period close during our weekly once gems class about 2 years back. She's hot, had beautiful eyes and a beautiful body, nice personality and a classy background. She was a Kawasaki bike rider too and a regular club goer. The girl many wish they are, living an almost complete life.

And then from nowhere she took her own life.

I didn't ask about the details regarding it out of respect and so I can only imagine.

One night after another all-too-regular heated spark she question her existence in this world, the past, present and the future. She thought about her 3 year old daughter and cried. She knows what naive means but it means nothing.

She whispered in her thoughts and ask the little girl for forgiveness. She decided she's no longer approaching anything more in the future, but instead is way past many things for so long. It's long overdue. The more she thinks of it, the more she gets a headache and a heart ache. She cries. She commits suicide, the slow way.

Closing her eyes for the one last time half hoping it will be permanent darkness now.


the next person that meets her came just a little too late.



I just made that up. That's what I imagined.

I'm still finding it hard to comprehend a loss like that. I know I didn't really know her and the smile she had on her face back then always reminds me she's out of my league, but me being myself every friend I have on Facebook are special to me. If they weren't they wouldn't still be there as I delete people regularly with a straight mind.

The one and only passing of person with significant concern in recent time is the late Joash, a person I really admire and look up upon. He went in a car accident and perhaps with 1 second's notice. Okay. Atlease he didn't feel the pain from the prospect of departure.

In this other friend's case however she have seen it coming all alone. For all the wonderful people she had around her, for all the pain she kept shielded inside from them. Noone really saw it coming, because if they had somebody, anybody, lending her a helping hand could have change the outcome. But no it didn't. She's gone and she's not coming back anymore. No more follow ups, no more post-event stories. Nothing.

If I could contact with her in whatever state she is in right now and talk to her and then turn back time to change the chain of events, I would. I really would. There is a part of me, even though I don't know it very well yet but still know exist that hopes to never see any bad things happen to all the people I care about. Family and friends alike, the people I chose to have around me. When she left, she leave me feeling so hopelessly useless, sad and disappointed in letting down. If only.

I want to make real a promise I want to make to myself from now on. That I will never let( at my capabilies) be down again, facing a dark future. I will be there for you. I always have been, but I just want you to know that if you have any problem do consider talking to me as an option for salvation. For your sake, for mine, for ours.

As I wrote on facebook, for all those who have fallen prematurely before start living life, they're gone. They might exist forever in our memories. They are also the reason we have to keep living life, keep waking up tomorrow and keep pushing life to it's fullest never to even consider giving up, to keep existing. Even if noone knows or noone longer cares, for their sake if not ours we must.

Valerie, rest in peace. I hope peace is upon you I really do.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Family Affair

I've always believed that in another life if my mother had another my father, things would have been very different. For the better.

All these years I've watched him, the only one consistent thing I see is disappointment instilled in others. I've done my time with learning about disappointment and all in all it is actually a small thing. We just need the character to pull ourselves back up when we find shit being thrown at us. But my observation in recent years seems to suggest my father himself have slowly given up in not being disappointing already. Nothing personal, it's just the truth.

I was talking to my brother just now when things got a little heated up and words said got misinterpreted and all that, it happens, but later on he pointed out a secret, something that I've not been aware of until now. That during the time I was in Singapore (with my sister) we left him alone at home and in the absence of his two elder siblings all he had was his father and mother. My mother, the sole breadwinner of the family works 5 days a week from sunrise to sunset for the past 20 years or less, and when she's not working she's doing her part at making sure we all eat and have a clean house to stay and good cloths to put on. If anything, she have always been putting in 150%. My father on the other hand. I don't know. He stopped talking to my mother since 10 years now. Stopped talking to my sister ever since she left home and occasionally my brother will try to talk to him. I. I don't talk to him.

My brother mentioned he had his dark times when both me and my sister left home. True, he was finding it hard to cope with noone proper to talk to on top of also having his O levels to prepare. He mentioned during then when the going got though both my father and mother gave up on him and in the total darkness he found hope from in himself. Which is from the religion actually. I feel bad for being absent during then but the fact is I had to live my own life too.

Maybe he blames them both equally for giving up hope on him, but putting his character and personality into understanding the equation- him being more of a self centered and demanding person than I am-, I understand that he sees the problem less to do with why my parents behaved like that. I understand better, atlease for of one of them, which is my mother. I understand the weight she carries on her shoulder in keeping the family running. She's basically the breadwinner, the organizer, the home keeper, the family cook and the mother. More than deserve it. She too is the family chain, keeping us 5 under one roof as a family. I think without her I'd just bring my sister and brother and exit this family, if it wasn't because of my mum. My mum is the one person I've my whole life to thank, it's as simple as that.

Sometimes I wonder maybe my parental side grandfather's passing had in some way affected my father's will to live. I wonder maybe since grandfather's passing about a year ago, my father have lost the one, only and last thing there is to him to look forward to. Maybe. Maybe he had end up thinking " wtf I've nothing much to live for so wtf la " or something. Maybe I'm wrong to say that but he certainly didn't show any proof of dispelling that either. Whichever which, it's only for the other 4 of us to suffer from more.

And in digging deeper the more shit that have been concealed in this family are exposed.

Once my brother told me he had a dispute with my father over who drives the car when the whole family is present. In theory and all normality the son would drive as to take over the burden and responsibility and finally give the father a rest. But clearly not here. My father argued and (I assuming forcefully using his temper to win disagreements,) my brother conceded. That is just the scenario. It doesn't take a genius to guess the reason.

I'm no genius but I figured the reason is because being the family driver is his last and only purpose to the family, if he stop being useful to the family then he would have no purpose already and it's just a matter of time before my mother got rid of him too. Doesn't sound so nice, eh?

All in all, I'm just trying to get my focus straight again after arguing with my brother. He called my worse of all, but I think not.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Mental Illness

The problem with society is at the face of it everything seems to be easy, good and fine. But once you go dig deeper all the shit is spew out like there's no tomorrow, like everyday yesterday was a joke and you wonder how did it all even came to this.

The irony is that when one lives in oblivion people say he doesn't know what he's doing, yet when he cares and wants to give a shit people will say there are things he shouldn't have asked about. So how?

And it's all these same people which makes our society today.

Don't worry about it. Everything is just normal you just need to learn to close your eyes to the shit you don't want to see. At times like this when people disappoints over and over I remind myself that living a solitary life is the only way to stay afloat sanely.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A Dream About A Surprise

Here we go again.

Last night I had a dream.

(this is the part where you know you can expect to get excited because like it always is, even I'm excited having haven't wrote anything out yet!)

I was living in my house in Singapore (which factually is located in Malaysia) and it's a private unit in a condo and it was nighttime when the reality settled in, that I've for some unconventional reason got expelled from my home. Which is to say, I'm officially homeless for good. And strangely also always on the move because I'm partially hunted and wanted.

Then came in the other side of the story. I met this other girl who also have just been kicked out of her nice condo house, is on the move and is also homeless just like me. From one trouble, now it's double the trouble. How nice.

And the two of us being in exactly the same sort of shit understand mutually without even mentioning that we both need each other now more than anyone else, ever. She stayed by my side as I stay by her as we try to sort our own mess.

Without much discussion, chemistry builds, trust builds and a future builds all by itself. She didn't even ask me or needed to be my girlfriend, but we both know this new relationship we have is even more beautiful than half of the people who claims to be in a relationship are having.

She by my side knowing me knowing her knowing it, we both know no matter what difficulty is thrown at us with each other we have a brighter future together.

What a random dream. They say when two people finds themselves in a similar dilemma they would understand each other better, it seems this dream is what that is. Only with a little more twist and turn like always from Jordan.

Friday, November 5, 2010

The Chains From The Reality And The Dream Drags Me To Forward

Initially I contemplated about writing this but then I've decided to go ahead because I've been thinking about someone and hopefully I'll be seeing again soon.

Last night I had this short dream about my mom. In it my family and I were at our house dining area and the time's about 12.30am on some weekday, when out of the blues like he always do my brother asked " How bout we go eat some chaR Kuey teoW now?". I dismissed it as one of those "guarantee fail" type of questions but to my astonishment my mom agreed. She said "OK but lets make it fast because I need to sleep (tomorrow got work)". (SHE REALLY DID! Ok atlease in my dream she did. )

Then a mosquito decided to fly around my cheek and in slapping it I've slapped myself awake. Damn it.

I went to watch some football and only went to bed again when the sun started rising. In it I had another dream about a friend (heh) of mine who found a new boy friend, albeit a Malay one.

Later in the day I went and told her about it because even though it felt really weird, random and totally unnecessary, I just felt I needed to. So I told her. Somewhere along the line later she mentioned something which I new to: that by popular belief a dream is the opposite of what there is to be in reality.

Perhaps.

But I've always believed strongly in just the opposite. That a dream is a visual glimpse of the future, a full scale pre-run of might be by a concept new to us, often when we are still testing it as an answer for a solution of a problem. Which simply means it is seeing the future and paving our present towards it if we like it. That is what most dreams are to me, either when I go to bed with a problem knowing I can find the solution in it or just random dreams.

During then I didn't noticed much about it as I was concentrating more on the person and made nothing about it and went about doing life as per normal.

A few hours later in the night I realised that my mother was unusually late to come home today, so I called to ask her about it. I later found out that her daily feeder bus service had ended early today because of some celebration tomorrow( you know Malaysians just love holidays?), she couldn't come back and the whole family went to pick her up. Somehow since we are already on the road we went to an foodcourt we rarely frequent and guess what. That place, it is a food heaven. Not that I didn't know. One of the more popular food they serve there is char kuey teow.

Upon reaching my mother told me to go get some lao shi fan while she'll go and get some CKT. My brother added "No, that shop CKT no so nice, you must try the otheR shop's CKT. Okay. I told her to get one for me too, I could do with one myself too.

There we were eating dinner and as I chomp down mine I watch her eat her char kuey teow. I got a weird feeling of seeing this before.. Hmm. The kuey teow is quite nice too.

I realised I didn't do much, if any (beside by simply being present) in contributing the night to end around some char kuey teow, but that's how it is. What I do know is I had a dream last night about being in the exact scenario. I believe there's a deeper reasoning to it, although like everyone I'll take the easy way out, for now.

It must be just coincidental I suppose.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

What is this Biotropics Nu-Prep thing?

Quite about three weeks ago I thought to myself, in preparation for the upcoming ZoukOut event I will be going to I need to beef up. Or at lease do some shit so that I feel at my physical prime you know.

They say at this age I'm entering in it's the physical peak in a man's life, perhaps. I myself too used to be a physical freak but finding it too resources consuming I've decided I'll keep the best when a situation calls for it. A case like now, for Zoukout.

All in all it basically means I need supplements to kick start my physical growth. Add to that a disciplined and strict daily exercise routine and I'm quite there. It is that simple, it's actually not rocket science like most make believe.

I was planning to get some supplements from all those organic gay shops whos product comes in not amusingly big gay round containers each which cost easily up to RM 200 or so. Not cheap, not quite affordable by any means but believing in my purpose strong enough I've decided to get it.

Until one fine day when on my way back to school while in the school's feeder bus, as the radio was playing it's normal evening show and had it's normal sms lucky contest prize giveaway thing, that I struck lucky.

A 1% real ( just barely enough) and 99% hopeful solitary sms through to the number as I thought I've heard it was what it was. A moment of nothingness went by side along side with a optimistic Jordan playing games with his mind when suddenly the phone rang. I've got it!

Haha.

Alright alright. I went to collect the prize later on and to my amazement it's what it is. A few stuff and 3 bottles of tongkat ali capsules. I know before you start thinking what you're gonna think about it, I'll just say it: I think it is what it is. So to put things back into perspective let's just say of the three bottles, I definitely could do without one for now, least till I get married hahhahaha.

The other two bottles are basically the same thing: this-




As the information on the label itself is not quite specific and informative I've went and check their website about it.

General Information

Nu Maxx™ contains extract of Tongkat Ali (Eurycoma longifolia), Smilax calophylla and Prismatomeris glabra. The synergistic effects of these active ingredients promote masculine vitality and overall well being. It is a non-stimulant. Nu Maxx is suitable for adult men.

Dosage
1 - 2 capsules per day.



Active Ingredients
Each 350mg vegetable capsule contains:
Radix Eurycoma longifolia 20mg
Smilax calophylla 15mg
Prismatomeris glabra 15mg

Indication
Traditionally used to improve health and vitality.

Storage
Store in a cool, dry place. Keep out reach of children.

Recommended Retail Price
RM 97.60 per bottle (60 vegetable capsules)



All of which basically is " The synergistic effects of these active ingredients promote masculine vitality and overall well being. It is a non-stimulant. Nu Maxx is suitable for adult men."

which since adjectives and subjective for a person like me, means nothing really. What load of trash.

So what now?

Well the only other realistic way I can think of is by simply being practical. Yeah I'll go get a male hamster and stuff this stuff down his throat or something. Might want to size down the dosage accordingly according to the recommended dosage on their webpage and also get another friendly hammie to be the control subject. And feed the fellas everyday for a whole month and monitor any changes and also perhaps get a second set to produce a more reliable results as how we are thought to practice in our Civil engineering field.

Or I could just take it myself and see what goes. I think I like that better because it sounds much easier.

So yeah. A pill a day and wait and see. Will update the blog from time to time about this. Also, can't help but feel that for all those bloggers doing paid advatorials, those are nothing. Mine is advartorials plus the real thing without money haha.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Thinking have always been my longest part-time job

Sometimes I think I'm over-complicating my already complicated life with all this thinking. But like a person who have a religion, I too have very strong faith in myself that one hard day today of now will make one better day of tomorrow, later.

If by any call of fate my life would end prematurely, all of it would have gone to waste but I can take consolation in knowing I wouldn't even know. Cool yeah?

Some people thinks that since tomorrow is uncertain why spend today's resources for uncertainty. True, in going with that thinking also gone is hope, the walking dream. To me, a person without hope and a dream doesn't deserve a future, more like meaning in living in the past they should just stop living. In reality everyone have a dream, it's just a matter of what size it is in comparison to everyone's.

A flashback to share- when I was younger during my early primary school days I would spend my time sitting on the table and just look into the thin air. According to my parents, that's what I do all the time. I don't quite remember about it but I believe my mind have been developing ever since young. Gradually school became tougher and required more attention till there's no more to give. A childhood state halted for 10 long years before I rediscover it once again after my O'levels.

I also think I've found another link between the growth of myself attributed to my family background. For the past forever that I can ever remember, my mother have been working as an accountant at a well off private construction company. The hours committed are long but what's more impressive is the years committed to that hours which is even longer. She's been working there forever, literally and she enjoys it.

I've often believed the main reason she wakes herself up 5.30am every morning and bring herself to work is in knowing every one hard day she goes through is every one less hard day each of her three kids will have to go through in their later life. Maybe true; I have never known for sure because like me, my mum is very reserved at revealing her true principles of life.

The connection here is that she holds a faith in her and that faith alone keeps her going on and on, for the past 20 years. Of working from the end backwards and the front forwards simultaneously. Very wonderful stuff indeed. As for me I'm applying that lesson and taking it one step further by applying it in life not just in work for family.

Everyday spent thinking about the tackling the future brings me one step closer to something, something I haven't found out yet even now. Isn't this what faith is about?

Socializing but not Befriending

I've this principle recently made stronger than ever before about socializing with people.

First and foremost I understand the importance of being sociable and easy-mixing in the society we live today. Simply put, with mouth alone nowadays we can talk our way up and similarly, without talking we can be stuck down forever, almost. Talking itself is a very valuable skill of survival.

Here's the part where it gets interesting.

The general understanding is by talking we make more friends, and perhaps the opposite too when we make friends and talk to them we improve our social skills. However, the way I see it socializing and making friends/collecting contacts are two totally separate things altogether. In most cases a person's need for talking is the lead reason why conversation happens and it leads to knowing more people, and more talking. And collecting friend.

For a person like me however whos nature is actually quite introverted, I don't fancy regular blank talking. Which basically is talking about stuff that goes nowhere all for the sake of talking. Like spending 30 days talking about all the things we talk in 1 day x 30 times. That pretty much is what it is. The way I see it, it's just disgusting.

I enjoy talking about things which is progressive, be it getting to know someone, getting to understand something or simply building chemistry. I like talking to new people indeed. But I am not quite that lenient at introducing new friends into my life.

To like talking and meeting new people, but to not like becoming friends with them is the tricky thing, quite like bending nature's law. How do a person talks to everyone like their long lost brother yet thinks of almost no one? I think I'm that. I also think this is the result of me playing the game of life always at a step ahead. Despite what I do, I have a mindset which always pushes for greater personal learning. Instead of waiting for experience to teach, I try to forsee it, prepare for it and make the best use of the situation when the "opportunity for gaining experience" comes knocking. Pretty much like what we do in secondary school at reading up the whole textbook over and over to prepare for whatever the exam can throw at us, just at a bigger scale. Isn't learning what we aim to do when in school? Of regardless of where you start,it's in know about how it's gonna finish and in paving our unique path to there.

Also, I don't know where is this all heading but I'm confident I'll be able to handle whatever is thrown back at me for embracing this choice of life. In a way perhaps this is what society have made me.

So the next time we talk, don't think too much about this. I've done the thinking so just enjoy the ride. And if things doesn't turn out the way you thought it would be, don't take it personally. I'll take the blame I really do.

With every new entry about decoding myself I find myself one step closer at solving the mystery, and to watch as more of the mystery appear.