Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A Spark of Life

Was talking to a new friend and she reminded me of once upon a time.

* * *

Day turns to night, night eventually becomes day. The dog just never grows old, as though the people do. Everyone doing the same old thing everyday tomorrow's no different from yesterday, next week from last. Life's quite easy but even easy can lose its meaning from overexposure. Despite the past, the future is unclear as always.

Until one evening when a parcel came. The date was around 28 March 2006 the day a Wednesday. I remember very clearly. In it it says I've been accepted to go to Singapore (yay!)(but what's all the fuss about?)(what's Singapore anyway, beside a country?) It also states I should expect a follow up letter about further instructions in the next 30 days. Awesome. I've got 30 days to celebrate the news!

It came the next day. Alright. Nothing much to celebrate anyway. It was a Thursday.

And in it it states that school commences next week. And before I can join them, I need to get the official stuff done, among others a medical cert. Before Monday. Which means only on a Saturday half-day shot.

Which means we're leaving on Friday night, after mom come back from work. Which is actually about just exactly 24 hours when I realised it. How nice.

At that time I was so into Jem and in her debut album is a song called 24.



***

"24"


Been given 24 hours

To tie up loose ends
To make amends
His eyes said it all
I started to fall
And the silence deafened
Head spinning round
No time to sit down
Just wanted to
Run and run and run
Be careful they say
Don't wish life away,
Now I've one day

And I can't believe

How I've been wasting my time

In 24 hours they'll be

Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please do it for me

Is there a heaven a hell

And will I come back
Who can tell
Now I can see
What matters to me
It's as clear as crystal
The places I've been
The people I've seen
Plans that I made
Start to fade
The sun's setting gold
Thought I would grow old,
It wasn't to be

And I can't believe

How I've been wasting my time

In 18 hours they'll be

Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please do it for me

In 13 hours they'll be

Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please do it for me

I'm not alone, I sense it, I sense it

All that I said, I meant it, I meant it

And I can't believe

How much I've wasted my time

In just 8 hours they'll be

Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please do it for me

In just 1 hour they'll be

Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please do it for me

***


I can't help but connect the similarities about her in that song with my situation.

" Been given 24 hours
To tie up loose ends
To make amends "

In 24 hours I'll have a total change in my life and given it's an advance notice I've got one day to prepare for it. To make this shit of my life into something workable, something to survive on once in Singapore.

" His eyes said it all
I started to fall
And the silence deafened "

My parents eyes shined in confidence and victory and I smiled along too, but inside I question the gravity of the situation. There is no turning back now. And no helping hand to make myself be heard.

" Head spinning round
No time to sit down
Just wanted to
Run and run and run
Be careful they say
Don't wish life away,
Now I've one day "

In the cyber cafe the next day with 12 hours gone I realised time is mercifully cruel. It doesn't slow down a pace no matter how much I regretted not treasuring my life up til yesterday. Even in hoping time would turn back, it cost time, time still went on. My clock is ticking down.

" And I can't believe
How I've been wasting my time

In 24 hours they'll be
Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please do it for me "

The they and your here refers to myself. I need my own blessing to live my own life. I'm doing it for myself.

" Is there a heaven a hell
And will I come back
Who can tell
Now I can see
What matters to me
It's as clear as crystal
The places I've been
The people I've seen
Plans that I made
Start to fade
The sun's setting gold
Thought I would grow old,
It wasn't to be "

That's as straightforward as it gets.

The latter half of the song is a repetition of the chorus, each time the figure counts down from 24, to 18, 13, 8 and finally 1 hour. Knowing how this is gonna end is not one bit comforting either.

* * *

Having lived through that to called it experience, being forced out of the house then really has been that one life changing moment in my life.

Like a spark from nowhere, I now say that one spark has made me who I am today. Moving to Singapore I've experience an exponential growth - what I've learned in my first 2 years there is almost the same as what I've learned in 17 years prior to going there.

My O' levels result back then was shit so much so it's more amazing I've gotten a call up than had I not. Why, I never know. Had Singapore Poly did the more obvious thing I wouldn't be the person you know I am today.

My brother who took the same O levels late last year obtained a way better results but was denied a similar route. I consoled him by saying "life's a mystery for us to uncover, no two person's route is the same, else it wouldn't be a life" " I've found mine, now's your turn to find yours" even though inside I know it's called fake confidence. A scientific lie. Just what faith is all about.

The move cost my parents a great amount of money and I couldn't see why they'd chose it back then but now I do. For all the money in the bank account, if experience was on sale that was the price.

Like a coconut in its hard shell, once you break it you expose the inner white flower to the world and there's no going back. All it takes is that one knock on destiny to change fate.

This whole story to me is immortalized in Jem's 24.

No comments: