Saturday, October 23, 2010

In Telling Myself that There's No Greener Than Here

It seems a person is more interesting when they are still quite a stranger to me. Often when meeting new people be it real life or online, I'm more excited when I'm still new to them. When more of what I make of them are prospect rather than actual facts.

A girl can be the shiniest diamond when I first know her but as time and reality sets in the crudeness on it's surface starts to appear. A girl can be the brightest star in the dark sky but upon closer examination it too is filled with craters.

Mixing with many of both I know well enough it's not the case with guys.

I want to believe it's just me but the truth is that the root of the problem goes deeper than that. It's a matter of trust. A matter of trusting the person, waiting and believing that they have more to offer with patience in time but that's just exactly what I've become. I've become the absolute opposite of that.

It seems ever since that I've lost that side of me I once was. The patience and the calm believe have deserted me. I no longer trust the future being brighter on it's own. Perhaps I've started to focus my effort (correctly) on the present more than in the future.

Maybe it's just my this age which I've pointed many times where we should step up from the passenger to the driver and take control of our life. Maybe it's the change of environment after being away for so long. Maybe it's a lesson I've picked up from Singapore, a lesson that means fast paced.

Maybe it's because of the broken trust in hope I once live my life by.

Either way there's no looking back now. I just don't look back at things and this is one of them. One day when life ends maybe they'll say why.

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