Saturday, October 16, 2010

I Will Take My Shame To The Grave

My current personality state of being able to genuinely laugh with you one week, and completely ignore you as if we'd just broke up and moved on the next week would lead many people to believe that I'm a many face faker.

Guess what, the truth is it's actually that's quite true. Many face yes, faker not really. Maybe I am but if so I've gotta be damn good at it. And more importantly decoding this kind of "product" goes far deeper than many would have imagined.

A twisted mind I may have, perhaps often tells twisted stories.

I've always believed that the best state a person could be, and I myself want to be, is by being a person who plays one card at a time but have many cards to play with, every time. He have the option to fully dictate what card to play according to his assessment of the situation with regards to his motives, or in higher terms, manipulate the circumstances for it to adjust any situation he face to his favour. All the time.

Like having a gun with 200 types of bullets. Why this over the other? Because I like and I can.

Coming back to this situation which is just another example of how I'm doing in life, I may have many faces and I may be able to choose my cards. Many will conclude people like this are just fakers, wannabes that fall short. Well guess what, faker I am but fall short I am not. When fakers are defined as one with many but incomplete personalities, I may have done enough to "fake" it long enough for me to maintain my cards.

The truth is that, I am not a faker. I'm just multi-faced. My real personality is being multi faced and through effort and experience I've collected the tools to execute it. In my own ways, I'm being true a person, just a true as everyone else are, albeit also in my own ways.. somewhat different.

And I like it when people think lowly of me because they killed their own expectations of any fightback without me even doing anything yet.

This learning is still far from over but the first step is always the hardest and in doing one I've got the ball rolling.

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