Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Dream Like No Other

I had a dream just the other night.

In it we the family ( can't remember biological family or close friends) were held captive by some bad guys and we're all sitting down and just chilling as we wait for time to go by. The typical image of kidnapping being so violent and panicky all that, it's just from the dramas, at lease that's what my dream says.

And so as about 5 of us sit waiting for nothing with about the same amount of kidnappers, I and they realized I've been exercising a lot lately and starting to feel physically at my best again. So they thought why not, in the meantime, play a game.

I thought too, why not. I like the idea of having games as time fillers, rather than just sit there and stone, eh.

So somehow they told me I've got a 10 minutes head start to run wherever I want ( in a world absent of any other human it seems) before they come get me. I ran up and over bridges, climbed poles and walls, over ledges and hopped from rooftop to rooftop, balconies to balconies.

Doing things I am confident I can do in real life but don't do because of the risk and consequences involved. I'm quite lightweight after all and it doesn't take much to break .. body parts.

Finally after about 1o minutes I realised this is the part where the real game starts.

Well, my logic tells me that for all the advantage in head starts, it means for nothing if the pursuer is faster than us - it only prolongs the inevitable.

By then I was inside a huge supermarket and since running according to the shelves sounds silly to me with such new found freedom, I just went up and over them, knocking them down in the process with great speed and swiftness. But even after all the mess I've made I knew it will mean for nothing because it only looks messy.

Sure enough the bad guys brought in their own catchers.

They are 5 human minds in gorilla bodies. Read that again if you will : Human Minds + Gorilla Bodies. Gorilla are said to be quite like human with bigger everything physically except the mind, and by mixing it both they've created the ultimate hunters. Everything a perfect soldier could ask for, plus a bonus 10% to their physical abilities. Who would have thought of that!

And sure enough they found me and brought me back in almost no time. Well again, no violence is involved, it's became a mutual understanding ".. that if you don't intend to run then we don't need to teach you and intimidate you not to. " (by violence that is). That's what it really is. We walked back in such peaceful and trustful manner that it's hard to believe it's actually all a kidnapping going right.

And amazingly of the 5 human-minds-in-gorilla-body hunters, only one of them, the leader, are from the kidnappers side. The other 4 are actually my family members back home mind working these gorillas remotely, like what's that movie called again? Surrogates. Human minds in remotely controlled hosts. They thought they'd joined in too because it's not fun missing out on the fun since we're all quite free, you know. They thought it's funnY sia. Hah.

So as I was walking back I noticed one of the unmasked gorillas who by then is in human form again, was actually a girl I've been seeing a lot lately from school.

And we fell in love on the way back.

p/s: I was going to bed when I realised I just had to write this down even it meant little because stories like this are hard to come by.

And the exercising a lot lately part and the see the girl from school a lot part are both real.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Jordan

There's this one guy whom entered my life sometime ago, sharing the exact same name as another guy I despise since back in the poly days.

The original guy is IMO noisy, an absolute attention seeker and a dumb empty vessel, a side he'd revealed when he leaked out more truth about himself than he should have. That's gone but the lesson lasts, that a proper conversationalist needs to understand the value of silences in conversation too.

Anyway with one gone the legacy lives on and the other innocent guy is the unfortunate victim to me hahaha.

I can remember when he first exist into my life I've made up my mind that since I don't like his name ( and his appearance and impressions fits very closely to the negative stereotyped image of Malaysians in Singapore), I don't want to know him. Talk about active disinterest. About personal level discrimination.

I'm not so pure after all it seems.

I think the way society works though I don't like it, the exploiter is a always exploiting the exploited. When given a chance to -something negative- , people will.

Society have made us this way. Before anyone tell me I don't have to follow it because.. , well you're right, I don't have to. I just want, I enjoy.

People like me are those who gives other people both a better day and a worse day. The ability to do something does make doing it compulsory by any means, but it does gives us the option to do so when we wish.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Someone Right Now

There's this song by Fort Minor titled Right Now. It tells a tale about many different possible events happening concurrently as we are living our lives right now.



I find it a really cool idea of selecting such topic to convey via a song.

I've put pictures to represent different parts of the song they've mentioned in it.

Just remember as all of these are happening, we are lucky to be here not in any trouble of that sort.


Someone right now is walking out of the apartment and look across the streets and wondering where his car went.




Someone right now with his finger in his teeth could use a little floss.




Someone right now has stayed up all night looking at the laptop trying to get inspired.




Someone right now is coughing out blood on the sink..



..knowing it looks bad but there's nothing she can do about it.


Someone right now is stuck in Iraq and trying to get shipped back breathing



while the press back home mislead us.





Someone right now is having 25 to life.




Someone right now is standing with the corner of their thumbs up hopeful hitchhiking.




Someone right now is scratching the lottery hoping for a real winner.




Someone right now would kill for the shit that we throw away in the street.
One man's trash is the next man's treasure




Someone right now is sneaking through the border




just to eat real dinner.


Someone right now is trying to dump that rock they run around the block with

at the same time the cops is raising the glock with aim.




Someone right now is taking his first breath.

I don't think he knows what it means yet.




Right now someone's wife is robbed blind when she coming from the market.




Someone right now is guessing freedom thoughts by suicide.




Someone right now is appreciating they got a blanket in a house with no heater

because someone else right now is sleeping at the park bench with no jacket.



But no,

I'm just taking it in
From the second story hotel window again,
The TV's on, and my bags are packed,
But in this world everything can change just like that,

Just like that



Sunday, September 26, 2010

Liverpool Fans Are Modest People! Are They?

Was messaging Maine and talking about football when I told her Liverpool fans modest people in general. That sounds random as it also is spontaneous but as my gut feeling goes, the reason behind it possibly is because of years and years of ups and downs.

One moment they are so damn good, the next they are just so damn disappointing. Following it would make some modest people, while others like me would just go nuts.

Every since secondary school it's always been a tradition that between notably Arsenal, Manchester and Chelsea, whenever our team wins we gain bragging rights over the rest. Similarly, whenever we disappoint, we can expect to be insulted. Bad. haha. That's quite the way it works. Ungracious in short.

Liverpool fans who have seen a great share of winning and losing, ups and downs perhaps have learned real life character improving lessons just by following them. Perhaps they are taught over and over that the future is flux and nothing is for certain. One good day today may be gone by tomorrow, vice versa.

I'm gonna keep this hypothesis in mind and see if it's right when I meet new Pools fan next time.

P/s: Only refers to true and true Liverpools fan, those supporting multiple clubs or follows Liverpool part time doesn't count!

Pools fan: Aravin, Julien, Charmaine, Ruzainie, Matthew, Mr Andrew Wong

We Should Know Why Before We Exist, But Somehow We Missed That Part

Humans nowadays are just living a life of which they don't know the reason for. Everything we live are all just made believe for. I'm disgusted, even with myself.

My peers I can sense down inside 99% just don't know why they live for. They know they are going back to study after dinner, to prepare themselves for the exams for which they will graduate with a paper from and then find a work and many years down the road perhaps just live their dream. They may know why are they going back but they don't know why do they exist to go back.

The younger teenagers knows about this thing called potential but hardly gives a shit about discovering further. They are just too busy preparing themselves in gripping the biggest chunk of it back into their reality. They don't really give a shit, no? Did we ever?

My elders, with no intended disrespect, are just myself of the future with more experience, knowledge and achievements but quite still as clueless as myself now about why do they exist. Why do we have a body that powers and regenerates itself, and a mind to fill it with things. Emotions, desire, memories, beliefs, plans, achievements- they are all just tools of the mind.

But fundamentally, why do we have we?

It shouldn't be about making the most friends, or making the best friends, or collecting the biggest network or experience, or social safety net, or biggest clique, resume, cv or bank account. It shouldn't be about decendents, tradition, image or entertainment. That is all our needs, a reason to channel our energy and time from this existence created by our mind.

It should be an answer we are content and satisfactorily accept given by ourselves the day we reach the point of near expiring and finally ask ourselves why did we even exist altogether.

I believe us being fortunate to be given a chance to exist, we should live life to the fullest. Even that phrase itself is overused nowadays and carries less meaning already. We shouldn't even for a moment allow ourselves to think that life is an obligation, that it is our duty (since we are alive and made by our parents) to work, to earn money to finance future offsprings, to treat them well and better than they have did for us. It is all a choice we have, although the way we live it is considered morally right. Point is, if at any point we are not able to appreciate our fortunate existence then it is no different from not existing at all.

Of course, some wake up every morning with high aims of making more money, others because they have see fun it doing what they do and secretly down inside they know that's so because it's a better reason to convince themselves that they are not working for the money. Some do charity work, others live a life with a solitude mentality.

Beneath all that needs of money, pride, potential, name, ego or any worldly belief, the fact that we are able to slowly embrace time is greater than all mentioned. With time and a foundation, comes potential, a future. With an opportunity in that of it's existence plus appreciation should come a real purpose in life. A purpose 99% of my peers don't realise exist.

We can do whatever we want to do, there is no such thing as limitations atlease in my dictionary. If I say I can't, it's because inside I admit I don't want to. We can do whatever we want hence putting achievement as not the biggest goal. Truth.

Our biggest goal in our existence should be finding the purpose to our existence. Once discovered, the rest are the easy part. Our culture nowadays have blinded us from this fact in this madness termed society.

If one person is wrong, a group of them doesn't make it right. It just makes it bearable which at the end of the day, is still wrong.

Friday, September 24, 2010

What you got boy, is hard to find.

Staring at the mirror in front of me at the hostel washroom, it was just another day of an uneventful hostel life, I thought to myself.


picture from here




Looking at myself at it while brushing my teeth I see Jordan is thin.

Not underfed or on diet, just thin because of the way I am. And will perhaps be thin forever too. Lifelong, naturally thin.

Then I remembered about somebody whom my first impression I've laid on was also lifelong, naturally thin.

Chemistry


And like that person and like myself, we radiate an aura of calmness and peace to all around us by doing nothing, by just being ourselves. An aura that will cause fighting to lose it's feel, an assurance that tomorrow will be better than today, a sunshine after the rain.


picture from here

A girl.

Fiona.

I remembered why I needed to gamble on her, all from a look at a mirror. Perhaps a mirror tells more than just truths.

If I could detached a piece of my past, it's the memories of her.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Doing Nothing isn't as bad as we've made to believe

In the past few weeks I've refined my understand of boredom.

As of now, boring is a state when we find ourselves with sudden, excess free time to do something but we don't know what to do.

Most of the time we end up doing things we all do as time fillers, things that requires less objective and more " just do " feel.

I used to think that the list of things to do when I have spare times is almost unlimited and I will never run into "boring" if I remember and stick to this list. I've realise that's wrong now.

First and foremost, there is nothing wrong with being free and unoccupied, unlike made believe by our culture that doing nothing is considered time wasting. Truth is, in my opinion, there are things more guilty than that in terms of time wasting.

Like doing the wrong thing only to turn back to square 1 later. And like doing things inefficiently when we know we are capable of doing it more efficiently than that, yet not bothered to do so. That is time wasting. If we are able to eliminate those two abovementioned, even doing nothing and staring at blank space seems less time wasting than normal.

Conclusion is, unlike what I've grown up believing from my family's culture, doing nothing isn't as bad as I've grown up beleiving, provided we worked and fully merited that ourselves in time saving.

And also, time fillers are the thing of the past. I do time fillers only when I have a solid reason to, not anymore because I've nothing else to do.

(Or, groom passions for time fillers is another way of justifying it)

I'm still working on that last part; still not perfect but trying to get there.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

10 Ways to Get Noticed

Got this from my dad sometime ago.

I'm not gonna highlight why there the need to be noticed but rather just add a few words with reference to myself to personalize it on the blog.

10 Ways To Be Noticed ( From The Star newspaper):
1. Passion
Is when the whole class tell you they are only here studying this sucky Diploma in Civil Engineering course because they didn't get their top 6-8 preferred course of study and "had to do what's needs" to continue this culture of advancing studies, I tell my story which starts " Well, I've loved digging holes and building structures and building ever since I was young, even though I didn't know what's it called then". They think I'm crazy, but it's noticed nonetheless.

2 Hard work
My sister studies very hard during her secondary school days and was a top scorer all the way, and she got noticed for it. Hard work pays, too, if you have faith to believe onto something.

3 Practise
Practice to noticed is something my other sidekick demonstrated, albeit possibly not noticing it. My brother have a drive in him that keeps on bringing him back to the basketball court almost everyday during his secondary school days, and practice it did which brought him into the school's basketball team. If there's a shorter cut than that I would have been there myself too, perhaps. haha.

in another life.

p/s: I don't have the passion for basketball. what were you thinking?

4 Focus
Exist in almost everything of me. Like I've made believe, every ability may be learned but may not need to be used- focus is one of them. I've grown up struggling in class and the everyday things in life because I find it hard to focus on the way things should be done, instead more focus on the way I do it my way. Amazingly, that itself too is focus albeit in a misunderstood way.

I've grown up rectifying inability to focus and diverting it to the right target, continuing pursuing education to today is testament of focus, of focusing for the future in spite of the state of the present and difficulties of the past.

5 Keep pushing
I suppose this refers to persevering forward.

Well the only thing I can think best to relate it to is in waking up everyday, every week, every month, every year and keep functioning and giving my best for the believe that one day gone is one day closer to the goal at the end. In believing that I owe my future to nobody other than myself of now now now now. In believing there's a mysterious bounty at the end of this pursue.

Call it blind faith, maybe that's what it is, but it works.

6 Build a service culture
Just not me. I don't like the meaning to the word service and the word culture, never mind the combined meaning.

7 Persist
Is like chasing a girl everyday for 6 months for nothing. She said I've something different from the rest of the guys, that I'm persistent. In a way I finally got noticed too, no?

On the sidenote, persistence is the combination of faith and focus, is it?

8 Let the ideas flow
This blog is my platform for letting the ideas flow. If anything this is a way of getting noticed too.
Being able to get noticed, like everything in life, is merely an ability and in that it gives us another option under our sleeves. Doesn't mean in can is must.

9 Accept feedback
This is the one space I've room for improvement. I haven't worked out how's the das-connection in accepting feedback to being noticed, not at lease at fundamental level of how it works.

On superficial level, accepting feedback is a way to get conversation with a stranger going and hence, solidify our existence to another person. Getting noticed that is. Not quite it but yeah.

10 Connect with people
This is the simplest of all way to get noticed I suppose. As number games goes, the more people we reach out and exist to, the more kinds of people we will meet and in a similar way, the higher the chance of finding people who see something interesting/different/unique/noticeable in us.



One day sometime soon when I have the space I will analyze the whole list thoroughly and bring everything to a whole new level.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

When A Right Thing Meets A Right Time

At some point during my secondary schooling days in the midst of force reading, understanding and vomiting out the knowledge from the textbook period, I've figured that whoever made this books must be so really proud of themselves in knowing what they write will be "digested" brainlessly by a great population of the community.

When I believe what's written on the textbook is 100% true, I like what I studies. When I later realised and still believe not everything is accurately documented and represented in our textbooks, I still studied them but only because I had to. Studying Malaysian History for once, it's interested but no doubt from a bias perspective. It's written in Malay/English overlooked by the English instead of Chinese; British instead of Communist. I'm sure Chin Peng have a different variation of what's documented like as the Malayan Emergency.

That was among the realization that sparked a new idea out of curiousity, what if I had the chance to connect with such audience. I've kept the idea in me all this while and lately I've remembered about it.

It would be really interesting if I somehow publish a book about all the major prinsciples governing my life, the way I want to believe it should be lived.

For all the many countless prinsciples I live by, decoding it feels almost like an unsurmountable task. Ironically, for all the crazy formulas that keeps me ticking inside, I am actually quite a simple person outside.

If the book represents the originality, the forced-to-study class represents an opportunity then the result would be.. cool.

Well it's just a random thought.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Coffee, Coke and Tea is more than just a drink, if you know what I mean.

Some people might say they will die if they don't sleep

And I will tell them people like me will die faster if they sleep and don't do other ( more important) things they could be and should be doing instead of sleeping even when sleep becomes necessary.

The guilt from the conscious will kill us all the way forever, of being able to do but not doing that something. Guilt haunts a long way, perhaps is the reason why I tell myself to do my best all the time so to not have any regrets for What If's later.

The necessary is not always at the top of the priority list. I believe nothing is fixed and we have the ability to change everything around us, this includes mixing our priority with time.

To be flexible is key in survival, just like in evolutions before us.



Two hours later..

Actually, even heroes will need to sleep too.. hmm

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Pain Locker pt 2

Quoted from Dr House, House :

"People interest me, communication doesn't"

In a way it relates back to me. When I see people one of the first things I ask myself is Why.

Why does a person initiates the talk?

1. We happen to be at the same place and same time so it's polite to.
2. Someone needs something from the someone else. Maybe a question, maybe a favour. Usually followed by "do they deserve it", then occasionally "why not" for me.
3. Someone needs someone else attention to fill them up.
4. you know
5. you know
6. you know

When things get messy my stand in policy is Intention speaks louder than action. We can analyze a person's action but we can never really guess a person's true intention, which is what makes human very interesting.

When a person gets caught for bad action with good intention, they are usually found guilty.

When a person gets found out with good action but bad inner intention, they are praised.

The former is just unfortunate, the latter is just good.

The Pain Locker

Keep your allies close, keep your enemies closer.

Somewhere along the line in growing up I've decided the best policy is never to completely trust and rely on anyone other than ourselves.

Because at the end of the day when the world fails, we don't.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Football is one of my Mirrors

Lately there have been people questioning me about my football abilities. I've been and see a lot about my own football to know where I am and seriously one of the last thing anyone wants to teach me about my stuff, is football. There are a few exceptions, all of which knows me well because they play with me. Even so, they don't talk bad.

No, I'm not ranting about being questioned of thing's I've grown tired of explaining again. People like that hardly deserve any explanation, and often respect. Worse still, is when they themselves don't play and don't know shit and yet, still dare talk. This world sometimes is filled with funny people, funny because they can stay stupid for so long.

Once upon a time I was those who only could wish I had a proper team and regular football to train with. Then I went to Singapore and had the chance in my poly to join the football team and I did. Everything went up and clearer from then. I use to play soccer biweekly too during most recent year there with strangers who later went on to be friend. It's funny how for guys, action speaks louder than words. Play first, get to know later yeah Ara?

Sometimes when you think you've passed the simpler stage of things in life, and then things cause us to look back at it, we realise that we don't quite remember how we'd come to here. Like a derivation of a formula, we may forget the derivation but we know damn well the formula works.

I've been thinking about why football is my sport lately, and I've came up with a few facts to make a list.

1. Soccer involves a lot of running. When I was younger I believed I have asthma and running is not my thing. Soccer breaks that myth completely, regardless whatever is fact. By succeeding in soccer, I'm correcting a broken past, one less for the future.

2. Despite how it looks, soccer involves a lot of physical strength. It's amazing how a human with just 1 both, 2 hands and 2 legs can create so much force that if we're not strong enough, they'll topple you over in 1 "touch". Another reason to stay fit and strong.

3. I have the height and long feet and playing as my favorite defensive position I enjoy the height advantage over most. In a way, it's intimidating for them and fun for me. Add the occasional push and barge and football is the reason why sometimes my legs are recovering.

4. Like all sports, I enjoy the mental strength required in long duration of concentration and focusing. It's true football is a 22-men-chase-1-ball game, but everyone is at their fullest of concentration when playing. It makes it all the more beautiful a sport.

5. Football pushes us to the limit in many ways. My lungs have no air, my stomach cramping, my legs soft like jelly, my body drained of life, my mind shutting down, but I believe it is all just mental strength. To what point do we truly believe we still have some more to give and no more to give? The point where our mind concedes weakness is when. So basically, by trying to push our mind further than ever there are really no limits to what we can do.

6. And lastly, they say girls find guys playing team games more sexy than solo game. In a way I believe it's true. A fully focus and serious guy vocally commanding and encouraging those around him while running looks more appealing to me than a guy who plays badminton/tennis/golf alone. And the twist is, when guys know girls are watching them, they perform even better.

Football is a beautiful game in the right eyes, it's just a pity some don't know what it's all about when they talk about it. I do know one thing, that they don't know what they're talking about. That is the danger of being an empty vessel who don't know where to stop, they sometimes write their own grave.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Raya!

Some one month ago Tony said that KLIUC is a very, very " " place. He never actually said what is the very very, he only said I should wait and see.

Then Ramadan came. In Malaysia who's majority are Malays, Ramadan to us in this Malay majority campus means empty food court during the fasting period. And to a certain extend, closed shops and limited food to choose for. People like me are already struggling to stay sane eating the same thing everyday.

There are also the other lesser mentioned half about Ramadan and Raya in my school. At the hostel occasionally there will be firecrackers of all sorts and sizes. Sometimes it sounds like small sparks, like small chain of sparks. Other times is sounds like some WW2 Nazi Germany AA battery gun firing or some American USS battleship dropping some anti-submarine explosive tank into the water. And blow. It is all part of my experience at staying full time in campus.

How have I spent my last few Rayas? I don't know. That itself says alot, that there's nothing worth remembering. I remembered being in Singapore where they celebrate Raya with one (1) day(s) of public holiday. Even so I'll just sleep at home or go around doing my normal business.

Oh, it's Raya. /goes back to sleep/

Multiply that with a few times to represent the past few years I've went AWOL and that sums up my story.

Till now.

In a chance decision to make a trip back home and stay overnight at my house I've gained more than I would bargain for. We had ordered pizza delivery and had a nice family dinner albeit in front of the TV and discussed about the possibility of having a family holiday trip to Mersing.

Mersing is just some rural faraway kampung area at the south-east coast of Peninsular Malaysia. There's nothing much about it but it's significant to me because I remember vividly once upon a time almost a decade ago, we had gone on a road trip and spend a night or two at that place. It is a small village by the seaside and we rented a chalet overlooking the sea. I learned to fly kites then, I stepped on a baby chick and accidentally killed it, I even found a rubbish pit filled with rubbish and maggots, just like the one people from the TV use to bury genocide victims. Very real.

This year 2010 have been rather quiet and uneventful for me but that is about to change. A new story is going to be written and I can't wait.

My sister is halfway across the globe and she won't be around but it's okay. We'll just get a replacement sister. Haha.

No, of course not.

Raya
, faster come!