Friday, August 20, 2010

The Amazing Human Nature of Love

A music file is like our modern day crystal ball, one which holds infinite details of a story within itself and it's true extend are only seen by a few.

I have a story to tell which I've been keeping in me for a great long time. It's about my memories of once upon a time with a girl named Valerie Tan. Despite it being almost 4-5 years ago the memories of this particular story still live vividly in my mind. The place, the surrounding and the people in it never gets old. Like recalling the sweet times with a deceased but only that nobody died here, we just went back to the norm.

This story is a one-hit thing.

It was back in 2006, a few months into my Singapore Poly life. I was still new to Singapore Poly and infact Singapore as a whole and was still half the time lost and following, blur and almost always second best. I was active in Rover Scouts and already starting to fit in well.

One fine Friday as planned we had an outing to Sentosa Island. It was a overnight activity or something and we met up at Harbour Front mrt station around evening. As always I came with a few others who knew the place better. I was just like an ant, incomplete on my own but functional with a unit.

We had dinner at the foodcourt opposite Vivo City in the evening. The usual normalities followed and of the 20 people or so, after minusing the seniors and the guys, there was only 3 girls. One is attached with one of the guys, the other is just not my type and the third.. fair and innocent, soft and gentle, quiet but charming. The guys were trying to be cool around her and all sort but because of language difference they just weren't going anywhere. I thought to myself, she's something interesting, something different.

Evening faded and soon we were already on Sentosa Island playing some icebreaker games. I couldn't remember this details well but we were divided into 3 groups and she happen to be in my group. I had the chance to talk to her and know her better. Time flies and an hour or so later we became really close, almost mysterious. Some would call it chemistry, some would say it's from the circumstance but for me I never seen the need to unearth the reason behind that. Some things are sweeter as a whole with unsolved mysteries at it's core.

We were close to each other by then and perhaps side by side, the outside world closing around us. Some says it's honeymoon period when people are just in a new relationship, that's what it feels like.

After the ice breakers we had another activity which was a night walk through the dark jungle paths in Sentosa. It's actually a direct path cutting across the hills from Pahlawan/Siloso Beach to the center of the island via the dark hills. We were told to walk through it as a team and I had her with me then. Maybe the darkness and the cold jungle path made her more clingy to somebody, anybody, and similarly interestingly it is exactly the environment that thrills me. I used to go for alot of camps in the dense jungle of Malaysia with my original troop in my secondary school years and in a way I've grown to love it. Put together, it's a chapter of a love story in the making.

By then the guys in my group was already getting uneasy of this newfound closeness between us and sure did make themselves be noticed but just not in my eyes.

As the night wares on and as the activity grew more serious we grew closer. We had another hike to a remote part of the island, also in the darkness of the midnight jungle, to an ex British battery. The seniors did their thing of trying to scare us with stories such as the prison is haunted and the island is filled with restless Japs souls but it only made me naturally more protective over her. I think she knows it.

That was my first real love. I didn't know the paths of this trade but didn't matter because I knew the feeling is so great that even wrongs didn't matter anymore. She is all that mattered.

During then as I was still new I've later on came to realise that I was acting in denial of my feelings. Of living with the handbreaks on.

Before I realised it was late, 3am or so, and they called it a day. We all were given our rest time by sitting around a wooden hut by the beach. Most have already dozed off and in the middle of the night two of us just sat side by side overlooking the sea and the darkness of the sky.It was cold and surreal. Surreal. That perhaps was what this whole thing is.

The next morning a few of them were starting a boycott on me for just being Jordan and I've made new haters in this new place. In a way, awesome. Perhaps it was tiredness and a lack of sleep but by morning me and her were feeling awkward already. Maybe it's the sunlight, maybe its the others action taking its toll on us. Whatever it is, the closeness seem to have gone with the darkness of the night.

We went home but for the next two weeks nothing else mattered. She was in my mind and in my heart. I spend my nights sitting on my bed hearing over my few songs I had with me then while thinking of her and smsing her, all night. One of the less familiar song I had plugged in became the crystal ball which went on and captured my emotions for her, this whole 2 week long dream in it. It gradually went downhill from there because of our apparent difference, the peak of it all is and was always during that first night.

It's some unexplained human side in it that attracts each other when still in the unknown. That everybody can who you want them to be when you still don't know them.

The song is by Jem, titled Falling For You. The lyrics of it became the frame of my emotions to tie itself onto for good. Eventhough this was a 5 years ago it just felt like it was recently, still at the back of my mind.

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