Tuesday, July 27, 2010

An Interesting Perspective of a More Interesting Relationship

Quite a few weeks ago I've ranted on this space about a teacher who's a bit "different" from the lot. The teacher have is very strict and have high expectations of how the teacher's job should be done and it being let down by the environment- the system, the students, the mentality. In another person's eye you would say ~'s crazy.

I've changed my stand after that in my attempt to unclog a mental blockage (as part of what do that needs to be done, which I bluntly succeeded to overcome IMO).

I was starting to think the sun's rising back again after a long rain. I thought I've passed the tunnel and saw the real light. Maybe I did.

Two weeks went back without incident but before positive consistency could catch up, yeah.

Today I went to class perfectly normal. Brought my stuff, done my homework and studies in advance and save an allocated amount of mental energy for ~ lesson. Well to cut a long story short, the lecturer was pissed with the class for making noise like all classes do, on top of being pissed with a bunch of students(not me) for complaining to her strict regime. I got caught up in an unfortunate scenario where I'm innocent yet being falsely accused for things I didn't do.

As I've done my background check on this particular lecturer from my seniors, I knew maintaining a positive relationship is the goal. I had to turn the sour encounter before it gets worse. I stood up for my own innocence.

Being pissed and sick of hearing everyone's excuses (regarding the matter above which excludes me) the teacher missed it. My reasons were excuses in ~ ears.

Just like in a story, bad things get worse. The teacher started focusing her negative energy on a specific target, me, and it's not fun. Other obvious normal happenings about me were becoming my flaws in the teacher's eyes. As they say you can do what you put in mind into doing, when you want to hate you can hate. Hate.

By then she was personally calling me names, which is common reaction but nonetheless still unprofessional.

At times like that arguing back might win the battle but will cost me my war. I really need not explain because the obvious is obvious to the point that the class quite stood in disbelief of the things I've been accused of. A verbal argument in a tensed situation I've seen from experience only make things worse.

This is no longer about being chicken or brave, reacting instinctively or preplanned, keeping or losing our cool. This is only about one fucking thing- the grades. The teacher decides that and ~ perception towards me will affect it, and the only thing I see myself doing is taking the blame.

Yes, it's my fault that the school system is shyt and my name didn't get registered into your name list. It's my fault that I didn't attend your first class because they school online portal (and my timetable) went AWOL. It's really my fault I was a few minutes late for todays class because we were all having another class earlier before this at the next room. It's my fault that those people signed their attendance on the wrong date and I didn't but still you got pissed. Yeah, it's my fault that I'm really stupid and arrogant.

The whole reputation of being a hate figure is so absurd that even the girls I don't know in my class had the pitiful face to this repeating problematic offender, heh. Honour leh.

But seriously I don't feel one bit sympathetic to my own fate. Those who knows me in person knows that. I only feel unfortunate, unfair and to a certain extend, naive for not being able to handle the situation more expertly in a manner one would handle it better with experience. But above all, I feel sorry for the teacher for cracking under pressure. In my own definition, when a person cracks under pressure they lose hard earned respect. You have let us down.

In my own opinion too, I lost the battle but am on course to winning the war about everyone's respect.

On the flip side, I've this other lecturer who entrusts me with emailing the whole class our lecturer notes, and he took his trust one step further by handing me a responsibility I have no reason to accept of creating a online group to aid his teaching needs. I proudly did and he knows it wasn't a trust misplaced. I'm not a bad student by any means, yeah?

I came to school primarily to get the grades, but life just never seem to stop teaching me it's lesson and I'm enjoying it.

The next challenge is how do one changes his fate if he knows how it would end if he didn't.

hearing: 3 Doors Down - It's not my time


Anonymous said...

Clear the issues immediately after heads cooled. Don't let it simmer and linger for too long as issues will no longer be the issue but the person tagged remains every time your name or face pops up. From TTK

Jordan said...

Dear TTK,

Thanks for sharing a piece of your advice.

I do not think it's necessary because I still believe my respect for the teacher is correctly placed, just that it's not mutual yet.

Have a good day.