Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Born imperfect okay, but don't die imperfect.

One of the hardest mysteries to me in life is about truly understand our own personality.

I'm not referring about the basic adjectives used to describe words like hardworking, introverted, friendly, rude. Those are child's play.

I'm referring about the answers to all the whys we choose to do what we choose to do which makes us, us. Like in a scenario when we see a person we want to talk to but can't, the action we take from the decisions we've made, that is unique. No one is ever alike. That's what makes personality.

For me I'm the kind which prefers to build my foundations right first before exploring more outside. They are many who runs so smoothly with life like on grease, so parallel up til the point when life shuts in front of their face, and they find themselves stuck for dead. I'll be the last if that were to happen.

I have many beliefs(not religion but principles) and this is one of them. To move forward with a solid, reliable foundation behind.

Just like in choosing friends, I've different categories for everyone. I make friends on and off but all while having a network of close friends who are always on. Just in the case of a rainy day, I know I won't fall; they are my parachute, my safety net.

I believe that before one can conquer his world, he must first conquer the true self in him. That means knowing well what's his strength and weaknesses, abilities and limitations, and know well how he functions through and through. I find myself when asked to explain a decision I make, I just can't, because I just don't know.

The faith and trust I have in myself is what made the decision what it is, but how did it come to there I don't quite know. Yet. As of now I'm at that stage where like in Maths the results is there but the working isn't. I'm working on that.

And almost all the time the decisions I make is the best that I've no regrets of. Yes, it is all just a state of my mind but as mentioned, the working is absent but the result real.

I was showering today in the hostel's bathroom 1am in the morning, and the sight of these foreign moldy walls makes me laugh. I don't know how I'd ended up here living this part of life but I do know it's all just a temporary lesson to learn. To learn the lesson, and move on, one step at a time.

A thought ran through my mind. We can't be blame if we are born imperfect, but we are to blame if we die imperfect. Putting aside premature death, before our time's up everyone ought to have conquered the self in them, and by saying so I mean be the perfect ones in our mind. The one which we see ourselves as no limitations, no holding backs, no cannots. Free.

Free to go, free to live even more so.

Till then, don't stop.

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