Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Time For a Change

I find myself really in need of time lately. I'm gonna make a list of what do and what not to collect more workable time everyday.

I'm gonna
1. Not watch TV
2. Not stay back after work unnecessarily, and no afterwork dinner with friends for the time being.
3. No detours on the way back from work.
4. Max half an hour on FB per session. No games, no videos, no pointless activity on FB


Also

1. Sleep at 12, wake up at 6.30 and keep looking at the time. Perhaps get a watch on the wrist 24/7.

I can't think of anything much right now.

Well I've been telling everyone I'm going to UK to study and will know its yes or no come end of the month, and now I'm starting to feel the gravity of the situation.

Landlord asked me to move out come end of month. No problem, I'll just find another place. But contracts comes with a duration and my duration here in Singapore goes side by side with working. Will I be working for the next half a year? It depends on if I get accepted and continue studying or not.

Will I get accepted? I don't know. Everyday spend waiting for a reply means lesser time to find a house and give notice should I chose to quit my job.

I'm also considering studying locally in Malaysia on a transfer degree with UK. It's so much cheaper that way and just like this ain't troublesome enough, my parents have never told me about how all this education thing are being financed.

If it's their own money and will to spend it on me, I'm glad to comply. But I suspect they are taking a huge loan for this behind my back and will present to me the price tag when I'm done with this all. How irresponsible because I don't get to choose my own life then as I'll be debt ridden by then no? And I'll work 10 years to clear up this and by then I'll be spending the rest of my years being obsolete and just making ends meet.

By my own standards and definition that's a life not worth living which defeats the purpose of living a life itself.

Which all in all basically means I'm living on tight rope and a pile of real shit.

I've got family members BUT I've never truly depended on them for quite some time now. They can offer help but I don't see myself going to them for help.

I've got concern friends but I don't want to follow anyone's advice on how to live my life. Suggestions and facts yes, but not instructions.

The only way I'll get out of this mess is by looking deep in myself and that's what I'll do in the next two weeks. Even silence now is becoming an ally of the enemy- my own thoughts of mind.

And no I won't end up in a Church or cell meeting. With time truth and character prevails.

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