Sunday, May 30, 2010

Doesn't aging scares you?

I was at the Dover MRT waiting for my parents this morning and while waiting I realised something again. The old auntie with her older mother. The young teenage poly girl. The two muscular dragonboat guys. Many many people.

A slight fear ran through me, a feeling one would get when they haven't seen their parents in a long time. Maybe it's normal but it's definitely unnatural for me for now. I wasn't afraid of them, but rather I was afraid of what I might see after not seeing them for so long. Months.

Life in Singapore is really fast paced compared to my hometown and months here could feel like years of there.

I was afraid time had passed me by too fast that I wouldn't recognize my mother anymore. She would be old, thin, frail, wrinkled and white haired. My father would be no different. But thankfully it's just my imagination, it's not for real. The moment she appeared she extinguished the fear.

It came and passed.

It took me a while to realise what it's all about now.

The way I see it aging is a physical, bodily process which is not quite directly related to a person's maturity or age of mind. A person is defined by his characteristics controlled by his mind and the growing of the mind comes in many form. Like leaving house when you're just 17. It is not as simple and straightforward as made believe in maturing with age.

With age we explore and are exposed to different things and this teaches and matures us, not the opposite.

So similarly, over time when one have seen a person for so long we can be quite sure the person we know that person as is pretty much the same ( predictable) as of old, but we can never be sure their rate of physical growth. Of aging. Of nearing expiring. That is the fear I felt, of seeing a loved one age.

I realised too I'm only feeling this because I do not have the same fear for myself in growing old, but I emotionally affected when those around me grows old. More accurately, it's not the actual aging part which scares me but rather the prospect of it which is more frightening.

We could all capture a snapshot of them and keep them in our minds but we could never predict how they would look like in the future. For all the technology we have now it just isn't good enough yet; one day when a new technology pops up which allows us to snap a picture of a person in the future then perhaps the fear would go away.

But for now I should start to appreciate them more at present.

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