Monday, April 12, 2010

This whole mess I am in has always been a gamble since day 1, and quite self inflicted

I know about the conventional way of getting it done but I don't have the luxury of time to win her heart, so I gambled on the unconventional way- the express way. Double the effort, double the dedication, double the risk, halfed the time and yes, double the pain.

I'm at rock bottom nowadays I can't even smile to the grandmother like I always do. It's that bad.

I am falling sick and with this mentality I'll never recover from any sickness. I walk slower, think slower, eat slower, everything slower. The extra power she gave me when I was flying is the same chunk of energy she takes away from me when I'm down.

I'm depressed, yes. I admit it. Nothing else matters already. If i get asked to leave from work tomorrow because of poor attitude, I'll have no complains.

Sometimes thinking about her leaves me with that butterfly-in-stomach feeling. Sometimes, I'm so lost I feel that everything around me are just melting away. Except me. Soon I'll have nothing.


platypus said...

Take long walks. Pretend to be happy and hang out with friends. Smoke like a chimney. Swig from a bourbon bottle like a hobo.

Anything to distract yourself while you slowly heal over time. Man, it's not even funny how similar our situations are.

Jordan said...

Indeed it's not.


Well I wanted to add a comment to this here but then I realised, this is my blog and my whole blog has been a comment itself