Monday, April 12, 2010

This whole mess I am in has always been a gamble since day 1, and quite self inflicted

I know about the conventional way of getting it done but I don't have the luxury of time to win her heart, so I gambled on the unconventional way- the express way. Double the effort, double the dedication, double the risk, halfed the time and yes, double the pain.

I'm at rock bottom nowadays I can't even smile to the grandmother like I always do. It's that bad.

I am falling sick and with this mentality I'll never recover from any sickness. I walk slower, think slower, eat slower, everything slower. The extra power she gave me when I was flying is the same chunk of energy she takes away from me when I'm down.

I'm depressed, yes. I admit it. Nothing else matters already. If i get asked to leave from work tomorrow because of poor attitude, I'll have no complains.

Sometimes thinking about her leaves me with that butterfly-in-stomach feeling. Sometimes, I'm so lost I feel that everything around me are just melting away. Except me. Soon I'll have nothing.

2 comments:

platypus said...

Take long walks. Pretend to be happy and hang out with friends. Smoke like a chimney. Swig from a bourbon bottle like a hobo.

Anything to distract yourself while you slowly heal over time. Man, it's not even funny how similar our situations are.

Jordan said...

Indeed it's not.

Lol

Well I wanted to add a comment to this here but then I realised, this is my blog and my whole blog has been a comment itself