Friday, April 23, 2010

Fate's Implied Karma




The movie/book The Lovely Bones have lots of fucking resemblence to my recent life.

It revolves around the past, of Suzie living a happy life and almost perfect life. Me, with Fiona in my mind. Every second spend is really valuable and treasured.

Then Suzie died for a stupid reason and only the memories of the past remains. Likewise, Fiona left for a stupid reason and I've only got myself to blame and memories of the past to hold me together from exploding into a million pieces of glass like how Suzie almost did in the movie.

Sunset, the moon and sunrise side by side. Living roses in the ice in a frozen white lake. A path to nowhere where we stand the the surrounding moves around us bring us there to nowhere. All a vivid real dream which can only be truly appreciated once it's gone. On cloud 9ine, that's exactly how I was when things were still sweet.

Every second of the lost past is then a drip of liquid gold.

Those close to her around her who cared for her took it really hard. The father went violent and smashing souvenirs from the time with Suzie. I did it in my own way too with the only person who really cared for me is myself; I couldn't let myself be the end of myself.

The others held on a thread of sanity for some time which is supposed to feel like eternity. I isolated myself and am at my lowest low in a longest years and it feel forever knowing there's no reason for tomorrow.

They picked themselves up one by one, piece by piece as the story went by, and so did I. Inch my inch, person by person, department by department, I picked myself up all on my own once again.

Now, every second with Fiona feels like a drop of blood, my past is seeping the life out of me.

And I was reading the lovely bones but stopped midway to enjoy the movie which I didn't because I thought back then it was stupid and unreal.

And the 'I watched it with' was nootherthan Fiona.

The split second times where I used to laugh with her is now a timeless sorrow pinned in me.

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