Thursday, April 15, 2010

Bad Memories Fade but Sweet Memories Stays





I've made lots of mistakes to her and I'll forever regret it, but I still treasure the sweet moments when I was living in cloud nine of mine. She gave the reason to wake up in the morning, to travel to work, to work better and push it harder. She gave me a reason to believe in everything I do and she is always the one who makes my day. Just reading her smses on nothing means everything to me. I would challange myself to push it harder just to get the reward of opening her sms. I know I sound crazy but during the past two months, she's the only one running though my mind at night, in the morning, day and basically every other time.

There's a saying that goes, Brave isn't the absence of Fear, but the judgement of something more important than fear itself.

When I think of her back then, I have absolutely no fear at all. There's nothing I won't get into, nothing I won't do for her. If she tagged along, I would travel all the way to the other end of the island just to see her for dinner, I really would.

Like the end of Pirates of the Carribean, the dude waits 1000 days in eternity just to spend one day with the lady.

During the past two months I've never complained about work or hesitate to do OT, because everything I wanted is already here. I have no reason to travel 1 hour home because the moment is with me everytime. She's always in my mind.

Her long legs, her big eyes and big smile, her long hair, her abit weird personality, her caring and compassionate attitude, I knew she was the one. I just didn't know how to get her, and in trying I messed it up big fucking time and now she's like a fish swimming into the open sea, like a bird into the sky. She's never coming back.

Everytime I think about her now I'm just so fucking hate myself. For wasting an opportunity I never knew ever existed, for being too fast, for not controlling myself more. I tried my best but perhaps my best to her is still a world's gap away.

The hardest part I realised today, is walking into a new territory and having love it like never ever before, coming so close to something really big, only to have it all crumble before us like it was all a dream. Maybe it was, it now is. She's gone. It might take me yearsssss to ever feel like this again. Sometimes I just feel letting the sorrow inside out by crying, but the tears isn't there. Sometimes in the train when I listen to sweet love songs and think about her, my eyes just gets watery.

I'm not trying hard nowadays to stay away from her but the emotions in me will always be a scar in my heart. It will never go away. Harsh, unfortunate, but real.

If I'm gone tomorrow, they can be sure I've something left behind. Time heals, but some things are trapped in time and will never full recover.

I've always been proud to admit that I live life with no regrets, but now there's one.

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