Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Be my Knife and I'm your Butter

I was emoing at work today because of the same old reason.

I woke up in the morning with a new determination - of forgetting Fiona. I resisted many many temptations to buzz her and was trying to convince myself there is a slight chance she is not condemning me and ignoring me for good.

During lunch time I had a short 15 minutes of my own time, and I eventually spent that time living with my emotional side deep in me. I thought about her, about all the great things we could have been, all the things we had done, what I could and should have changed, and even at a moment, felt like I'm tearing inside.

During the afternoon I continued focusing on staying away from her because the best bet seems to be by ignoring her I'm giving her time to cool down from my constant harrassment. I'm sorry I never meant to be like that but somewhere along the line of time I'd become like this.

I did fine, very fine infact. I even joked with Ivy I'm from loVesick to "Sick-from-work".

And before I ended my work an sms came. The name: Fiona.

She blew away a day's determination and resistance. I love how she makes my day green from gray.

Her msn personal message reads " Don't be someone's everything when to that someone, you are just something "

Selfless vs Selfish

In my own defination:

Selfless is the act of putting almost everything before others, and because it's not obvious most of the time it looks as if it's only 50% implied.

The opposite of selfless is selfish.

The act of trying to act selfless 50% of the time because the selfless people seems to do it 50% of the time, while still being naturally selfish inside, and trying to cover it up by being selfless half the time when they don't have a reason to be selfish, is still selfish. It's selfish in disguise.

Maybe to most people the difference is almost unnoticable but for me, I seem to see it very very clearly. It goes in that moment of split second decision in a spontanious moment, a unplanned reation or in most cases, just general obviousness of selfishness in disguise.

The most obvious type of hint is when a person is good AND bad both in one, but the good and bad does not balance and cancel out each other.

Sometimes I think my rarity of being selfish naturally = her rarity of being selfless naturally

Monday, March 29, 2010

Still alive.

I think it's 1.5-2 years since I've stopped blogging?

The blog seems to be innocently frozen in time.

And I need to start writing the damn email to Derby before wrapping up today.

Gonna check out Fitness First at Bugis tomorrow after work, bet it would be interesting and something new.