Monday, October 13, 2008

Finally, Hear my Inner Thoughts( From a Night Walk)

I woke up at some odd hour. Check the time, it was barely one am plus. My stomach was growling like there's no tomorrow, hence the disruption in sleep. Told myself, keep on being passive and you'll be dead sooner or later. Slap it, gotten up and shower. I've made my decision, McDonalds is my next destination. Loaded myself with the necessary accessories and off I left to Clementi Town Center. Whatever they call it.

As I was walking among the blocks I noticed tonnes of litter on those round benches. It was mostly McD take-away packaging and so. Wondered a little why. I guess those who did this didn't really mind because we all know, by sunrise they will be hired workers to clean it up. They are paid to do so, so let's give them something to think about, right? Well yes. But no. It just didn't feel right. Nevermind.

Crossed the road and was at McD. The fact that in the dead hours like then, McD and it's smoothly lighted ambiance is simply awesome. Terrific. Splendid. The person/crew who spent hours on improving the human factor side of this franchise certainly did a great job. Nowander the wallet draining price. But ever one in a while I guess it's alright. I guess money can be earned for a living but to buy a life, it takes more than that. Bought a Mc Spicy set meal complete with up size and sat at one little corner slowly enjoying it. There must be an interesting theory too on how many possible ways are there to consume a meal consisting of hot fries, burger with hot patty and a large coke. As I ate I noticed I happen to be sitting in front of a glass wall. In the concrete side I see dark trees and occasionally cars. HDB blocks. Among them, a reflection of myself, my table, the dim orange light by my side. How I wished I could do this, to live eternally and half present always. To be able to watch the whole show and know, which is real and which isn't.

An auntie approached me and had me recollect all my senses to function again as one, and entertain her. She asked, Do you believe in Jesus Christ? Then onwards, you know, the rest is history. She left me a paper compactly printed with words on both sides. I left it alone as she walked away, to leave the impression that she shouldn't bother coming back for more. But soon I can't help but entertain myself by reading it. I can't clearly remember what, but it mentioned something about All Hokkien/Teochew/chinese etc must gather together. Must accept Christ. Something like that. I guess they are targeting the odd group of traditional Chinese now. What a wonderful idea, a realistic target. There's a part which mentioned in bold, We must not eat pork. Pork is dirty. I found it amusing because everyone knows Chinese being Chinese, we favour pork. It also mentioned about us to own-self pick up the for of mediation in this religion from the Net, available both in English and Mandarin. I can't help but notice the missing link to this otherwise decent plan- the fact that I don't have a motive to do so. The procedure may all be laid, but without an aim, there's no reason to do it. And no, I'm not anti-Christ either. It's just my opinion.

She left the shop but I did notice from the side ward vision, she's lingering outside the outlet. Kind of reconsidering an encore or something. I felt scared for once, to have to politely chase her away again. You see auntie, I admire your courage and personal belief, but that alone doesn't mean you own the world. The revisit never happened. I can't help again but realise, how simple people like this with good intention is able to scare me. She's not the only type. I get that feeling too when a bunch of loud teenagers are around me, sometimes. When some people asking for donation are finding targets around me. When hired public informer are doing what they are doing. When a bunch of possible ladies, possible trannies are just a stone trow away like in East Coast Park. And especially so, just like when I on the path of this big muscular fugly-faced long curly haired angry looking tranny I once was in Orchard Road. Maybe it's just that I don't quite like meeting people. Or, don't like people.

I had finished my meal and soon took off. Went in the nearby 7-Eleven and the store person was doing some restocking. Boxes were everywhere and since the only person in charge of the shop is busy doing that, I guess I would be a suspicious person because the opportunity to do ..taking things.. is there. Even if I didn't take it didn't mean I'm no suspect. Even if I did take he wouldn't have known because by then he would have countered the point that I could be a suspect but actually am not. He knowing that I would be suspicious looking would have concluded that I will not steal anything because of my own rational thinking and self conscious. Well I guess that's what happen when mind games are played with one trying to predict the other's thought.

I walked out after completing a tour de' 7-Eleven, in the same state just as when I walked in. Nothing lesser(wallet), nothing more.

I continued my aimless walk by heading into the center of this town center. I walked along an empty walkway and saw a cat watching me at one side. I thought I saw two, but before I could confirm it a distant cat howl caused the initial cat to run across the road heading towards that direction. For one reason or another, the cat either had to go to check it out, or had been scared by it and had to take refuge across the road, or simply ran away from me but coincidentally another cat howled. I don't know. Whatever it is the cat is gone and the other cat turned out to be a package of rubbish. Okay..

I saw something which looked like a compressed cigarette box and had a kick with it. To my surprise it was quite a good projectile. Kicked it a few times again and finally, challenged myself to shoot it into some hole some 10 meters away. I shot and amazingly it flew all the way and went in. I guess this is what the mind is capable of; to subconsciously adjust our body into a winning way when we choose to believe it is possible and is THE outcome even against all odds. Oh yeah. Or maybe it was just luck.

Some time later I happen to pass by proper walkway with public chairs along it's side. I saw a bundle of cardboard and plastic sheets and a mattress. Someone was sleeping there. How that could have been me, could be me one day. The future is flux, it sure is.

I saw a cat. It had black brown and gold fur so (according to Melvin) it is has to be a female cat. I tried to coax it into coming near me, but to no avail. Tried making all types of sound, none of which too was successful at luring the cat towards me, other than those occasional amused stare on it's face. There was this newly planted tree on my side , and it is being barricaded with a rope tied to 4 vertical wood stuck into the ground. One of the wood was just beside the cat, and one side of the rope is dangling beside me. I thought why not try to sway the rope and so I did. The cat initially was observing my hands movement , but soon discover the wood right next to it so happens to sway too. Maybe to the cat it's purely coincidental or black magic, but to me I call that physics. A few short moments later the cat ran away in fear of some sinister force or something. Stupid cat. You can't match the intelligence of us human. That's why we are human and you are cat. Cat.

I walk and soon came across a hand railing. I suddenly felt the urge to do two air steps in rapid succession on the bars, and hopefully get to stand up at the top of it at the end of it. You know, like those Jackie Chan's gongfu movie stuff. I tried a couple of times, the closest I came was one of my initial tries. I believe with each failure and a not so supportive mind, I'm becoming less and less a believer of myself hence a worse performance. In the end I stopped trying because I've convinced myself it's dangerous. And when even more so when it's done half heartedly and being too optimistic to see the truth until disaster strikes. With that in mind, I stopped trying. All of this points back to the mind, the mind for not believing in the first place. If it was the opposite I'm sure I could have accomplished that without any hassle. It's all in the mind.

I walked across the side entrance of a newly built mall and outside the glass door are yellow trays. The top most tray had some kind of box on it, and I'm curious to check it's content. I must have been some pastry stuff or something of that sort. I glanced all around me and when I'm sure the coast is clear, I opened it. Inside was another box. By then I stopped trying and decided to leave it alone. Maybe one day when I'm hungry to a point of near death, I know where I can go for food. I walked on.

Turned at the junction of the building and continued walking. Stopped by to read some movie posters posted on the glass wall of some DVD shop. While reading a security guard appeared to be heading my way. Having just done something suspicious moments ago, I felt a little nervous with his presence. But my logic tells me both are non related incident and there's no way he would know about it. The fact that he had a suspicious look all painted over his face backed my emotional thinking but in the end I stood my ground and walked passed him. So what if he had a suspicious face, I didn't do anything wrong. None that he is aware of of course. Haha. So I was right, he walked off and it's nothing more than that.

I went to fairprice next, aimlessly browse the items on display and (oh ya it's 24 hours outlet by the way) almost bought two different dessert. The first was a tempting chilled can of Guilinggao, the second was a decent portion of mango pudding. I didn't buy either because I was still guilt ridden for spending $7 at Mc'D earlier. I was also browsing through the liquor section and after browsing so long I'd read at some far end corner on a small little paper suspended at eye level that Beers, Wines and Liquors are only sold from 6 am to 12am. Took some time to digest it and after awhile I realised it basically means no sales from 12am to 6am, a regulation I already know of. But what got me thinking is why did they have so many not available items on sale yet a very minimal effort to announce it's ineligibility for sale during this hour. I finally concluded it's some kind of sales marketing technique; to avoid using a direct deterrent matter to minimize the lost of sales effect from such regulation. How smart of them.

I was at the pet food section sometime then too, and I've finally decided to buy a small can of Whiskies for kittens, partially because I wanted to try to seduce a cat on my way back, and partially too because it barely cost 80 cents. Anyway, I almost spent 1.50 or so had I opt to by the previously mentioned desserts so this isn't so bad after all. And I'm also doing a good thing by feeding the cats and perhaps some day karma will come and do good to me too. Okay that's the secondary reason after 'seducing the cat' but heck, it's still a valid reason.

I paid, walk back heading for the hot spot for cats in one of the nearby blocks en route home. As I reached the place initially I saw a white cat sleeping on the walkway. While heading towards it I realised I just passed by another brown cat sleeping next to the wall in the shadows. I reached the white cat and tried to let him know I have food for him. I miow-ed. I talked in English. A simple Makan in Malay. A little German and perhaps a little alien language too. No response. The cat was looking at me all along like I'm some kind of weirdo while in alert mode ready to take off if I had tried to do anything funny. I opened the can and scoop out a thin slice of cat food. Continue attempting to interact with him when all of a sudden a messy orange cat came to my side and kinda became my friend. Soon, another the previously mentioned brown cat was here too. As I fed these two cats, the white cat simply yawned and walk off. OMFG YOU B@ST@RD.

I left the other two cats and followed the white cat. When it stopped and I tried to feed it again, another orange cat appeared. This time the cat was very elegant a cat. A classy cat. Big, furry, orange and white, cute eyes and fluffy tail. My target has changed. I tried to fed it too but the cat appear to be too .. not smart to see my intention. And then there's the fifth cat, orange too. After a while I gave up on feeding them, and instead rated the cats. Hm. The first has to be the Fluffy Oranged Tailed Cat. The second has to be the other orange newcomer cat, third white cat, fourth brown cat and coming in at fifth place, the messy orange cat. Wait, wad am I even doing? Lol.

In the end I realised these cats are just too scared of human and don't trust us. And also, my cat food as mentioned in the label , is intended for kittens. Okay, so Cats don't do Kitten food. Or maybe they are just plain picky. Or they don't do Frisky. Watever. I don't quite like you all either( except Fluffy Oranged Tailed Cat, a little maybe). Cats, cats, cats. They are like girls. So appealing on the outside, so unpredictable in the inside. So nice to be with around, but so hard to truly have them. I came to conclude I suck at wooing girls from that little wooing cat experiment. Maybe I should equip myself with some proper cat food next time, then see how is it then. Maybe.

Cat food here is worth alot more in real life application.

I went back and finally slept. Lights off. What a wonderful night.


kianbung said...

yeh. women are evil.

Anonymous said...

Yesterday night I went back the face my demons again. And yes, they are still the same old bloody dumbass starecock faced cats. And yes, they still came , watch , ( didn't yawn though) and ran away upon the slightest of movement.

But no, it wasn't a day of dissapointment again. I've left them after playing with two of the top cats in my list. That's equivilant to getting hands on the pick of the lot, on girls.

They didn't seem all that interesting and worthwhile after that anymore. Just like girls.